Daniel

Yin yang anime

Thank you all for the many comments of concern and support. It has helped me a lot in moving forward to deal with my husband’s unacceptable behavior. It is wonderful to count you all as my friends.

I fear, though, that I have made Daniel seem like a monster. The few of you who know my husband and me and our relationship did not question his behavior or my reaction, but it is a reasonable question. Like Roller Coaster Rider says, it can often be that way in the aftermath of an affair. That post was written in the heat of anger with venom dripping all over my heart. It was all true, but was it just a snapshot of the complicated man who is my husband Daniel. He is very much like an onion, with layer upon layer that needs to be peeled back to understand who he truly is. Let me explain.

He was raised by an emotionally abusive and controlling mother. She wasn’t an evil woman. She just used guilt and emotional blackmail as her means of control and discipline. It warped all of her children. Not one of them has escaped dysfunctional relationships. I thought Daniel was the exception, but he has issues, too – infidelity being the top of the list.

We went through a rough time just before I got pregnant with our first child. I almost left. He was turning into his mother. My decision to leave got his attention. We got help and he got better.

During his affair, he turned into his mother again. I think he subconsciously didn’t know how else to cope and so he resorted to the behaviors he knew as a child. I almost left again. I stayed because I thought he was clinically depressed and needed psychiatric help. I was not going to leave when he needed help. When he decided he needed to end the affair, before I even knew about it, he slowly returned to normal.

Today, Daniel is a wonderful husband as long as there is no mention of his affair. When he left on his current business trip, his parting words were, “Don’t worry, Honey. I will call you every step of the way.” And he has. He texted me from the airport. He texted me after he boarded, just before he turned his phone off. He texted me as soon as he turned it on again when he landed. It has been like that so far. So last night when he called to say good night, I thanked him. I told him that his texts and calls put me at ease and I thought I would be able to sleep well. He almost cried. He got all choked up and he said, “I’m glad. That makes me happy.” Then I got all choked up, too, and we could barely get our I love yous and goodbyes out of our throats.

He cooked up a storm before he left so that I would have good meals while he’s gone. I do about half the cooking when we’re together, but he knows I won’t bother to cook when I’m alone. So he cooked for me. He cleaned my car and filled the gas. He swept the floor and took out the trash and paid the bills. He checked my wallet and put some extra cash in it. Etc etc. Such a sweetie…

Some of those acts of service were an apology for the way he talked to me. He does not usually resort to emotionally abusive behavior anymore – it has only been since Dday when he feels backed into a corner and out of options, and even that does not always happen. I usually back off, but I don’t buy into it. I bring it up again when he is calm, which I did and we hashed it out. He knows he screwed up. I am not a victim here. He knows it’s unacceptable and it happens less and less often as we get farther away from the hell of his affair.

I say that I am not a victim here because I do not walk on eggshells around him. In fact, I purposely provoke him sometimes. My children and even Coach James all cringe when I do that, but I do it anyway. I am not nervous, afraid, or worried about his opinions and his actions. If I don’t like it, I tell him. We fight and he usually realizes that he is using his mother’s tactics again and we make up. It does not happen often. More often, we fight because I bring something up and push the issue. Am I emotionally abusive? Haha. Well, I can be passive-aggressive sometimes, but I am pretty self-aware most of the time.

Here is what Coach James said when I mentioned emotional abuse:

“It is a very strange dynamic [between you and Daniel]. You are so strong it is as if you allow Daniel his notion of power and control — but you know it is only because you allow it. Then he cheated and couldn’t find the humble road home. And now everything is all jacked up. The tension that made things exciting now just makes it hard.”

Why do I even bother to work through his behaviors with him? Why am I here? I was reminded of the answer by Leise, a blogger and writer who commented on my last post. She suffered through her husband’s infidelity and is now working on a book about it. She said she saw her husband as a four-year old boy, who was scared and alone in the face of his brother’s abuse. She saw that he wasn’t bad. He was human. He loved her. He wanted to stay.

Every so often, I see the little boy in my husband, too. A boy who wants to be loved and wants to be accepted, who struggled all through his growing years, and was never allowed to have the assurance that he was loved and accepted by his own mother. It’s not an excuse for his current behaviors, but it gives me understanding. And I do see that he is remorseful and he wants to be a good husband. There are still problems but it is worth it to stay and try. I love him, after all, and I am strong enough to see it through.

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39 thoughts on “Daniel

  1. Teresa says:

    Beautiful post, DJ….just beautiful! My H was also raised by an emotionally abusive mother, and throw in a alcholic, cheating father and it’s a recipe for disaster later in life….and I get to deal with the after effects!
    I will refer back to this post often, as if helps me to see my husband in the words you have written.
    We have a joint counseling session on Monday, I’m looking forward to it. Like you, I love him too much to give up on him, and at times I can see the hurting little boy also. May God bless you DJ….I hope Daniel truly understands what a treasure he has….even when you purposely provoke him, LOL!

  2. Not Over It says:

    Thank you, Teresa. You are too kind. I learned some of this stuff from you! I remember when I first started reading your comments on Emotional Affair Journey. I was a mess. I had lost my sense of self and any feelings of self-worth. I cried for long periods every day. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t deal with many everyday routines. But something inside me kept looking for anything to hold on to. I started to look forward to your comments. You made sense and you were strong. Along with Doug and Linda, Coach James, Fighter, Foolish Woman, LFBA and a few others, you understood and you helped me get back on my feet again. I will always be grateful.

    I will be looking forward to hearing about your counseling session. I’m going to have to wait for mine since Daniel is away on business. I think we might get in a couple of sessions in February. We really need it. We cannot get through a conversation about his affair without a major fight anymore. And I’m not even asking for details. I just want to discuss how his affair has affected us, what he has learned about himself, and how we should move forward together. We need a third party to act as a mediator, if nothing else. Hopefully it will be more than that.

    Thank you again, my friend – love & prayers to you,
    DJ

    • Your comment : –

      ‘We cannot get through a conversation about his affair without a major fight anymore. And I’m not even asking for details. I just want to discuss how his affair has affected us, what he has learned about himself, and how we should move forward together’

      really struck a cord with me. It is almost as if once you have asked every question about the mechanics of the actual affair – the where, when and how – the reality of what is left behind hits you. That is when our conversations got really hard. I thought the yelling and screaming of the initial conversations was hard, but the actual, physical dealing with the aftermath and reality of what is left is at another level. We found that was just the time when our Counsellor really started to help us. A bit like a referee sometimes, but a third party who could see both sides, even when we were so entrenched in our positions. Good luck and best wishes SE

      • Not Over It says:

        Hey SE – it’s good to know others have found this to be true, and have seen it work. I am going to see the new counselor by myself first, per Coach James’ advice. I was going to just go once by myself, but Coach James recommended a few sessions on my own. I’ve had bad experiences with previous counselors and we want to make sure this one will be able to help me as well as my husband and our marriage. I’ll let you know how to goes.

        Thank you for sharing and for being here with all of us. Love to you – DJ

    • Teresa says:

      A third party as a mediator…yes, same here! My H just does NOT want to discuss the affair anymore, and I still have questions! That’s why I made the counseling appt. I really don’t feel I can heal completely when there are still questions in my mind that he can’t/won’t answer!
      And yes, I want to talk about how the affair has changed us….he listens really well, but responds very little, and he thinks this is conversation!
      When he had his first EA I didn’t ask the questions, I buried it….not this time!
      You encourage me soooo much DJ, love you!

      • Not Over It says:

        My husband won’t even listen. He will be sympathetic if I say I’m having a difficult day, but once I start talking about it, he gets angry and then we end up fighting. But yes, we both need counseling for our marriages, Teresa. I’m praying double time for you tonight.

        Love & prayers,
        DJ

  3. Paula says:

    DJ, that post was much needed, as I agree, those of us who do not know you can easily ask the question, why put up with that? Not one of us has walked in the other’s shoes. We all have reasons to stay and work – or walk – or have singledom forced on us by our other half’s decision to leave, and still choose to live a fulfilling life going forward. Many of these reasons are unseen by anyone outside of our partnerships. Your Daniel sounds like he sure has some wonderful qualities, and is very thoughtful. (Wish mine could cook like that!) I truly hope that one day (soon, please 🙂 ) he is able to do what you have asked of him, and face his demons in a more constructive manner, and learn the kind of communication and authenticity that will give you two more peace. He will wonder why he took so long to join you when he gets, there! Best of luck with the new counselling xx

    • Not Over It says:

      Ah, another of my favorite commenters from EAJ! Hi Paula!

      Yes, as I was receiving the comments on my last post, I saw that I had painted a very one-sided picture of my beloved. He is a good man. Very stupid in how he is trying to deal with this situation, but he is a very good man. Oh, and intelligent in other ways, too! Just not in dealing with the monster of infidelity in his closet. Hehe – stupid but smart…

      Love & prayers – hope all is well with you in the middle of summer- heard it’s been unbelievably hot in your part of the world…
      DJ

  4. DJ. What a wonderful post! Daniel is sure doing things to prove his love for you, in his own way, sometimes, bumping in the dark, but he is, and that feels good doesn’t it? My husband became very arrogant just before and during his affair too. I often wondered if finally he realized I was not good enough for him and felt very lonely during that time. How sad is that? Now after all came out he is again the wonderful man that he truly is. Like Daniel he does A LOT around the house now, and sometimes I feel this warmth in my heart when I look at him, and all I can see is this frightened little boy, trying so hard to make up for something that he knows he should not have done! And he just tries and tries so hard to show how sorry he is! I know what you mean and I can even imagine Daniel doing the same. And besides, the DJ we see here, would not let a bully control her. And YOU DON’T! I am glad! It is just that we people posting here, are all so sore and emotionally beaten, that we tend to get arms and arms when we hear that one of our fellow fighters is under pressure we bellow in unison – protection, but in the end, deep inside we have the same storyline: Betrayed, working hard to rebuild, lots of bunts in the road, always hoping to moving on. Counseling is the only hope for most us, to place things in order, in our lives, minds and our marriage. Enjoy what you have DJ, reach for the rest. I am finally getting there, slowly I know. Lots of love to you.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey TTW – yes, I am looking forward to counseling. There are still many issues for us to face.

      People who don’t know about my husband’s affair – that’s mostly everyone in my “real” life – often comment on how lucky I am that my husband does so much. I wish it hadn’t taken so much pain to come to this point, but it is what it is. I sometimes wonder if it’ll wear off at some point…

      Glad you are also rebuilding a solid relationship. Love to you, too – DJ

  5. kayboo24 says:

    I think it’s a common act here in blog land to bash our significant others when we get angry. I, like you, realized I was making JR out to be a monster in my posts, which prompted my post “The Man He Really Is”. I want people to know my story and how we got here, but I need them to understand and know that JR is a good man. As I’m writing this he sent me a text telling me that he misses me and he’s only been gone an hour, lol. You sound like a strong person and I know that you are capable of dealing with the issues that come up during recovery.
    JR and I were talking recently about when his affair came out and he commented that he bet everyone told me to leave him. I told him that no, actually not even one person suggested that to me, not one. They all knew JR was a good man and they were as shocked as I was. They also knew that I was a strong person and capable of making that decision on my own. The strong will survive, and you are one of the strong. I can tell that your Daniel is a good man, and he shows you that he wants to be a better man. That’s where strong, loving wives like yourself come in. You have to help him be a better man. It would be so much easier if they could just do this on their own, but let’s face it they can’t. So it is left up to us to mold them and guide them into the better men that we know they can be. Boy, we sure do have a lot on our plates! Stay strong, and keep working at it, after all it’s worth it isn’t it.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Kayboo – Yep, they can’t do it on their own, but it is worth it. How I wish Daniel would talk to me the way JR talks to you… maybe counseling will get him to open up some. With our last counselor, he just sat there and said nothing. I mentioned this and and the counselor said he could tell that Daniel was “all in” but he just couldn’t participate. He was too ashamed. Hopefully it will be easier for him this time.

      I loved your post about healing… you made me smile…

      Love to you – DJ

      • kayboo24 says:

        It will come, just takes time…a long time. JR has just recently started really opening up to me and, shocker….the real healing has just started taking place. have felt better in the past month than I have in probably 2.5 years. I really didn’t think it was possible, but yet here I am, dare I say…almost happy again. I’m very guarded in saying that. I think happiness scares me after so much sadness and despair. I think it’s been around for a while, but you get so lost in the grief you forget what happiness looks like, what it feels like. That makes it hard to recognize. I do know that when I just surrendered myself to my life and stopped trying to control so much, it got easier.

  6. I chose early on start referring to Sweetheart as Sweetheart. I am not into acronyms like h and some on the forum were using not so nice nicknames for their spouses. I realized that I needed to remind myself that he was Sweetheart–even though he was not acting Sweetheart. A few years into it–after everyone had been reading the back-and-forth soap opera and cake-eating–some people started referring to him as SH. But it soon became clear that SH did not stand for Sweetheart! (If you can’t figure out what they were meaning, it had something to do with a head being made of human waste.)
    Sure he was being a nutcase, jerk, abusive, a$$…but he is and was my Sweetheart and I was not going to let anyone insult him!
    Good men and women make terrible mistakes. Good people cheat and good people recover from their indiscretions.

    • Not Over It says:

      Thank you, RCR – should I not call you that? Tell me if you don’t like it.

      Coach James always says that people are flawed and messy creatures. So true… I’m glad your Sweetheart turned away from his unacceptable behaviors, and that you are now able to share your experience so passionately.

      My Honey is still working on it, but I know he wants to make this work. His reasons – that’s a whole other topic for another day…

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

  7. susie says:

    Hi DJ,

    Just a few thoughts.
    Everyone responds to this blog with their own life experiences. Not just betrayal but, all life experiences Just like you were talking about your husbands childhood. When I was talking about words hurt, I was talking about my experiences from childhood. The comments your husband was making would bring back feelings of abandonment for me. It felt like to me that he was abandoning your feelings, perhaps taking you back to D day. When my husband loses his sensitivity chip I am back to day one, due to my abandonment issues. I am very sensitive to words and do not forget them.
    To make a long story short, my Mother left me at my grandparents house at the age of two. I rarely saw her. At 12 years old she remarried and picked me up one day unannounced. No, I did not know her. I overheard her say that I was just a tax deduction. We moved about 50 miles away and I was not allowed to call my grandparents. More abandonment issues.
    I hope this is making some sense? I was just trying to point out that each one of us would have handled this situation a little bit differently according to our own life experiences. This is a great thing about reading all of our responses, you can choose what works for you or perhaps just a new way of thinking about the situation. At least for me this is why I read peoples blogs. We all want the very best for you!
    I had a counselor once tell me that people do the best that they can do at any given time. If they could of done better they would have. That was all they were capable of at that time. She was talking about my Mother.
    Anyway, I hope this time alone for you provide you with much needed peace.
    Susie

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Susie – I hope I did not give the impression that I did not appreciate everyone’s comments. That is not the case at all. I just needed to point out that Daniel is not an ogre. There are many facets to his personality, like everyone else, and my post about the letters only showed one facet. I needed to round that out a bit.

      Oh, your growing years must have been difficult. I’m so sorry to hear that. Daniel would say that he understands about abandonment issues. That was his mother’s primary means of control – threatening to abandon them. She also withheld her love often. He never quite believed that I would love him forever. I think he does now. I paid a terrible price for him to learn that.

      And now you have been hurt again. I hope things are stable for you right now.

      Your experiences would definitely alter the way you react to things. Each of us carries experiences that affect us this way. It is part of what makes us unique and our responses varied. I like what you said about sharing on these blogs. It helps us to figure out how we want to respond and where we want to take things. Daniel’s words hurt me terribly. It was most definitely not ok for him to talk to me that way. When he had calmed down and I had stopped crying, I confronted him and we hashed it out. Of course, it still hurts. All of us here still hurt in some way. That’s why we are here. We help and support one another through one of the most difficult situations in life.

      I appreciate you sharing a little more of your story. It adds much to our discussion of the different aspects of a person’s personality.

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

  8. kali4ever says:

    DJ, I could really relate to your post. Some of the dynamic your coach described is also present in my relationship (“It is a very strange dynamic [between you and Daniel]. You are so strong it is as if you allow Daniel his notion of power and control — but you know it is only because you allow it. Then he cheated and couldn’t find the humble road home. And now everything is all jacked up. The tension that made things exciting now just makes it hard.”).

    My feeling is that we are ALL pieces of work in one way or another, and just as I put up with my husband’s occasional blow-ups and less than stellar behavior, he also puts up with my less than perfect behavior! As long as I am confident of my husband’s love for me, imperfection doesn’t bother me one bit. Not to say that certain behavior wouldn’t be a deal breaker, such as physical abuse or extreme emotional abuse, though. I just want to know that I am the cat’s meow for him. That is what I have struggled with more than anything. Lately he has been showing me in many ways that I am the love of his life, so things are feeling a lot better. Let’s hope the residual fog is finally blowing away!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Kali – Things are looking up for you! That makes my day.

      Me – less than perfect? Haha – yes, we all have to put up with imperfection and we have to decide what we can live with and what is a deal breaker. And it’s different for each of us.

      I’m glad he’s meowing at you – LOL! – Love to you – DJ

  9. Liberty says:

    Hi DJ….I also could relate to your post. In fact last night I was extra mean to my H and he got upset and blew up at me. But he is remorseful today and sorry. We all have our “moments”. We just have to muddle thru the best we can and deal with these hurtful times the best way we can.

    Take care! Liberty xoxo

    • Not Over It says:

      Oh, those moments, Liberty – they’re magnified after infidelity. It sounds like your husband is realizing a lot of things. I’m so glad for you. Truly… Love to you both – DJ

  10. Susie says:

    DJ,
    No, you did not give the impression that you did not appreciate everyone’s comments. Not at all! I just was thinking that some comments were harsher than others. And it was just where they were coming from at the moment.
    Have a great night.

  11. Carol says:

    DJ, I was worried about you after that last post. It’s easy for those of us who read about something insensitive that Daniel said or did to get outraged — we see you baring your soul here, we know about your pain from what you’ve said and from what we’ve experienced, we want to support you, and it makes us angry when you get hurt! Our husbands will never be perfect. It’s taken mine repeated fights to get — to start to finally understand — that when I’m triggered or upset, his job is to listen and be patient and offer gentle comfort. His reactions for over a year were, instead, to get defensive, to try to argue with me in an effort to prove to me that I shouldn’t feel badly — all of which made me feel that my feelings didn’t matter to him. It’s taken him 14 months to be able to do what our counselor said he should do — listen, reflect what I’m saying, apologize genuinely, offer quiet comfort. He finally is starting to get what all the research says — that 18-24 months is the MINIMUM needed to start to get over infidelity, and that’s only if the cheater makes every effort at repair.

    Last night, a conversation topic came up at dinner with another couple that was really uncomfortable for me (the couple did not know about the EA; very few people outside my family do). My H looked embarrassed, and just after the couple left our home he gave me a big hug. Said nothing — but I knew what it was about.

    Sigh. These guys need a direction manual or something. 🙂 “When wife cries, listen patiently, hand her a kleenex, give her a hug, and apologize. When wife yells, listen patiently, accept blame, and apologize. When wife is silent, ask her how she’s doing, listen patiently, and apologize.” 🙂 So simple, and yet so hard for them to do!!!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Carol – I love that last paragraph. I think I’m going to post it on our bathroom mirror – on his side!

      I am truly grateful for the concern and support I receive from you and everyone here. I was so touched by everyone’s comments – I just saw as I reading them that my cry of pain had everyone coming to the rescue, and Daniel was the venom-spewing snake! He can be a snake at times, when he is afraid, but there is a lot of good in him, too. Like all of us, I guess.

      I am happy to hear that your husband is getting better at helping you heal! Sounds like a dream… maybe Daniel will get it sometime, too.

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

  12. amanda says:

    You are happy that he texts you before taking off and on landing?well after i caught my husband he promised to break off the affair.Things between us were ecact same as you describe..H all attentive and loving etc etc.After 6 months i just had a gut feeling and i checked his cell records>he was sending the same texts before takeoff and on landing to his GF>if its any solace he was texting me first.!!!!!!
    Texting is the easiest way to reassure a suspecting spouse.

    • Not Over It says:

      You know, Amanda, I’m sorry that this has happened to you. Your note spews resentment. I am not the one you should be spewing it at. But I am publishing it anyway because you bring up a good point. Some cheating spouses can be so good at lying that they can pull off complete compartmentalization. So they can be loving and attentive and still be screwing around on the side.

      But you saw through it. You had a gut feeling. Most betrayed spouses do. Most cheating spouses cannot pull it off completely. I do not have that gut feeling. I am just insecure sometimes when it comes to business trips. Being in frequent contact with him is important for me during these trips. He hardly called me at all during his affair. I did check his phone records, being insecure and all, and there were no texts to anyone but me. No calls to anyone suspicious, either.

      Of course, a cheating spouse who really wants to cheat can find a way around all the checking in the world if they want it badly enough. That’s partly why trust is so hard to rebuild. But in this case, my husband was doing it as a way of helping me with a majorly huge trigger. Is there something else he could have done? I don’t think so. And combined with all the other things he is doing, and with the love I am finally starting to believe is real, I gladly receive his texts. I put him through the wringer, I tell you, and did not accept his attempts at showing love for a long time.

      -DJ

      • mad cow says:

        Hi Dj. I’ll try and be nice. This trust issue is a strange one. As you’ve said if they want to they can still be carrying on, that is a reflection on them, not you. My wife used to phone me a lot so I ‘knew’ where she was. Fine but that was for her not me. If she had been carrying on what could I have done about it? nothing. People are what they are, Daniel made a horrible mess of a part of your life but from everything I see he wasn’t the jump of the plane and look for a broad type. If he comes home then you were right, if he doesn’t you couldn’t do anything anyway. Don’t spend too much time needing to be reassured, that’s eating into your life. The real problem is how to get him to talk to you but enough already.

      • Not Over It says:

        Hey MC – sorry to be late in replying – I have been absolutely smashed at work and at home and haven’t had time to answer everyone. But you are important to me so I wanted to answer anyway.

        I understand rationally that if he wanted to continue in his affair, he would and he would be better at hiding it than the last time. I understand that I cannot control him. Understanding that is different from believing it in my heart. It is a fear, and fears are often not logical. I can no more talk a person out of a fear of heights than I can talk myself out of a fear that he will hurt me again.

        These fears and triggers are also often PTSD triggers. I have been diagnosed as suffering from PTSD. I have gotten better far faster than most people with PTSD, but I still have difficulties sometimes. Not all the time and not every day, but sometimes… when something triggers the pain and the fear.

        These are all just side issues that crop up in my recovery. I agree with you that the main problem is how to get him to talk. Perhaps counseling will help. I think I mostly need a referee, but hopefully she will be more than that. Love & prayers for you, MC -DJ

      • mad cow says:

        Hi again DJ, the point I was trying to make was that you’ve had your S part, the stress. You and I, most of us really are proof against that now because we are sort of ready for it. Triggers happen, even after all my time I find them. Just before we went to England I found an old purse, it was a purse made for my wife from the scraps of a leather coat I had made for her on our 1st 5* holiday abroad. about a month before the affair started, yeh that was the terrible state of our marriage then. Anyway, inside this purse is still the lucky stone she put in it. “lucky for whom” was my thought and trigger. The difference is it took a shrug and I was ok again, I so wish I could make that so for you and the others who are hurting. Somehow we have to stop shooting the messenger (trigger) and find a better way of dealing with the message.
        I think like me you have one real sticking place. For me it was that she waited to see what he wanted before coming back, she can’t take that back no matter what her intentions. For you I sense it is that hateful phrase of doing his duty. that really sucks but it was a moment in time and no more true than a lot of other things he said. he may even have meant it then, I find it hard to believe he would still think it, you’re too good for that.
        Much as we would like it to end on discovery, it can’t really can it. They have to disengage their thinking, it has to take time and I guess a lot of hurtful things are said then. We shouldn’t put more weight on them than anything else really but it’s hard to do.
        Kiplings If poem has a great line about treating victory and defeat in the same manner and realising they are both imposters, moments in time.
        I’ve never had a counsellor, (as you may have guessed) but I hope your new one is good and helpfull. Keep clear of the flu.MC.

      • Not Over It says:

        MC – you are such a sweetheart. I understand what you are saying and I feel the concern in your words for all of us here. It is truly a comfort to my hurting soul that I can count you as an online friend who is helping me walk this long journey.

        I am turning the rest of my answer into my next post. It’ll be up soon.

        Thank you, my dear MC. – DJ

      • I agree DJ. Business trips are a nightmare for me too, and anything that our husbands can do to help us with those major triggers is welcome as far as I am concerned. I couldn’t find the reply button on your comment to my original comment (I am still getting to grips with how this blogging lark works!) but I look forward to hearing about how the counselling goes and hope you get along better with this counsellor. SE

      • Not Over It says:

        HI SE – thank you so much for the encouragement and support. Of all things, my counselor has the flu, so I have to wait for a while. Her receptionist said they will call as soon as they know when she will be able to come back. They said she is very, very sick.

        Patience – not a virtue of mine… hope you are well, SE!

        Love & prayers,
        DJ

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