She finally got the whole story

I am sitting here at my desk in tears. Fighter and Survivor, one of the bloggers who helped me greatly when I first started here, wrote a poignant post about revelations by her husband. For two years and eight months, she tried to get the whole truth out of him. It seems he has finally let it all out. But in her post about it, she says, “Be careful what you wish for.” She feels it was another Dday and she was crushed. AGAIN.

She is a sweet and sensitive soul whom I have grown to love, even though we’ve never met face to face. I hurt for her. This is a pain I do not wish upon anyone.

As painful as it was, she needed to know. I felt I needed to know everything in my situation, too, even though it hurt like the dickens. I needed to face the reality of my marriage. There are some who don’t want to know. There’s nothing wrong with that. We each deal with betrayal in our own way.

Here is a link to her post:


8 thoughts on “She finally got the whole story

  1. Teresa says:

    I’m a firm believer that the lies AFTER Dday do more damage than the actual affair itself!! I can understand HOW my H got involved with the cow, it was a lot of things coming together, with the help of his cousin, to make the cow seem like a damsel in distress…And he fell for it!
    But the LIES afterwards…man, that’s what I have a hard time dealing with!!
    Fighter and Survivor…you amaze me! Hold your head high, you ARE a remarkable woman!!

    • Not Over It says:

      Ditto, ditto, and yes… ditto. I feel the same way, Teresa. And yes, Fighter is a remarkable woman! Her empathy and strength helped me to plant my feet on the ground again after my Dday, and I continue to be amazed at her fortitude.

      I still have a hard time with the lies he told everyone during his affair, too, for so many years.

      I am much better on the outside, but I am coming to realize it is not true healing yet. I have merely built up a fortress around my heart and I don’t let anyone get inside. I can share feelings outside my walls with people, but no one gets to the core anymore. No one. In some ways it’s sad. In some ways it’s necessary for me to live life.

      • nmwf1 says:

        I agree about the lies , my H lied about things mostly in the beginning but lying by omission is the same thing. Not giving the truth is the same as not telling the truth as far as I am concerned. I want to know the whole story. Just him telling me that he doesn’t remember, when I ask him questions is a lie. He can sure as hell remember everything about everything else, but somehow everything I want to know about the affair seems to have escaped his memory. What ever! The whole thing is exhausting. I have an attitude today Sorry!

        P.s. DJ, I’m wondering something. I have never asked my husband to write down his feelings about what happened for me to read alone. I have wrote pages of things but never gave it to him to read yet, mainly because I feel that, I have one shot at writing down everything I want to say and I don’t want to miss anything before I give it to him, but it keeps getting longer (lol) not really funny I know but anyway, as you know I have had many long heart to heart talks with him,(melt downs etc.) but I know if people sit along with there thoughts, they can say more on paper than they every can in person. How do I ask him to do that without him thinking I am attacking him or drudging things, this late in the game, even though he knows I am far from over it, do you think it is to late or pointless now? Did your husband write down his feelings and thoughts about the affair to you? F&S ‘s husband wrote things to her that he could not or would not say in person. Very painful ,to say the least, but always wondering can keep your mind in constant turmoil. (I realize so can the truth) but if you have to agonize, I would rather it be from the the truth than from mind games. What do you think?

        By the way it sounds like you had a great holiday, I think that is great. (Grand babies are so much fun) I to had a great time with my Granddaughter, she is now 16 months old and she is such a character, She’s a little curly blond haired blue eyed little thing that laughs at everything, she thought it was so funny to pull the decorations off the tree and pile them up. The little stinker can count to 11 already and say H I J K ,,, elomenopee. LOL and she is wild over Dora the explorer! What a joy! She is the light of my life. Happy New Year to all of you hear, maybe this will be a year of gaining back some happiness and empowering in our lives.

    • nmwf1 says:

      Hey Teresa, Damsel in distress or not :, How damn decent of him to think it was his responsibility to help out. My husbands AP said he was her Rock to lean on, cause she was having problems with her relationship with the other big FOOL in this saga. The whole thing is pathetic, cheaters are pathetic, I am sulking today. My mind will not give it a rest. Hope yours it going better.

  2. nmwf1 says:

    Hi Dj, and all, That was a gut wrenching email that he wrote to her. And I could feel that stab she felt as I was reading it. (her pain is my pain) I know that cheaters have a lot of issues and after d day, they have a lot guilt and remorse and pain as well. The problem is, is that they get involves with people outside of the marriage, they know its wrong, they know it will potentially wreck their marriage, but they ignore the moral fiber, and take that risk anyway. Can they not see the destruction in the making? How do they simply throw you aside for someone else and feel good about it? My anniversary was the 29th of Dec. I did not wish him a happy anniversary that morning and he did not mention it, (out of fear i know) anyway we were going somewhere around 2 in the afternoon and (IT FINALLY GOT THE BEST OF HIM), he fulled over on the side of the road and kissed me and said you know today is our anniversary, I didn’t say anything, and turned away. He said he wanted me to be happy. I finally turned to him and said:, Anniversaries are to celebrate our wedding vows that we promised to each other, but apparently some whore named Vicky had more power over you than your vows to me had. Who the hell wants to celebrate broken vows. He hugged me and said he was sorry. I told him me to. We didn’t mention it again and we didn’t do anything to celebrate. We are missing out on a lot because of his bull shit, and I resent it. But pride aside, he simply broke my heart and I am having a very hard time mending it.

    Hugs to her,
    P.S. I want to know everything. I will never be at peace until I get the whole story. So far HE CANT SEEM TO REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Teresa says:

    Nmfw1….my 27 anniversary was in Dec…the day went by like any other…I had told my H I didn’t feel like celebrating it…not until we are truly healed! He was having his “big fun” when we celebrated our 25th…a very painful memory for me!
    Anyway, a small part of me was rather hoping he would ignore what I said and do something special…I should have known better…he never said a word to me about it being our anniversary, he totally ignored it..sigh…it WAS what I had asked him to do, but still… 😥

  4. […] She finally got the whole story ( […]

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