It’s Christmas time

For some of us, Christmas is still enjoyable.  For some of us, it’s a very difficult time to get through.  For me Christmas 2010 was miserable.  My children came home and I was happy to see them, but the pain was overwhelming.  This year I am ready to take back what is mine.  As Huperecho said in our last post, I am not allowing anyone to take away my life.  I will enjoy Christmas, my favorite holiday, and make good memories every day.

If you are not ready for that, don’t worry.  Your time will come.  Everybody goes through the mess of infidelity at their own pace and in their own time.  We even need to wallow in our misery sometimes.  The thing is not to stay there for too long.  It took me quite some time, but now I am singing Christmas songs all day long and loving it!

How about you?  Where are you in your journey this Christmas?

Here is my wish for you in another card.  I so enjoyed making the last one for you all, I had to do another one for Christmas.

It’s Christmas Time




8 thoughts on “It’s Christmas time

  1. First, I love the blog make-over!

    I have ALWAYS loved Christmas. Seeing my children enjoy the spirit of the holiday has given me such joy.

    Until…the past few years. When Mr. Baker was knee deep in his affairs, our holiday’s began to become very difficult for me. Mainly because of his attitude towards me. I tried to put on a happy face and fake it for our children, but inside, I was hurting. I didn’t know why…why he was so angry at me. Now, I believe I know it was guilt.

    Last year was our first post DDay 1 Christmas. It was also when he was quite mentally unstable. It was better than previous years on the actual day, but still the whole season was a struggle.

    This year, I’m not sure how it will be. We’re post DDay 2. I know now that a few days before Christmas last year, when he was angry with me, he was with AP#4. We’re fresh out of 4 months of unemployment. Money is very tight. My usual gift giving will be much smaller.

    But…I also want to reclaim my holiday. Thanksgiving this year was very nice, for the first time in a long time. I’m looking forward to baking with the kids again, but I know sometimes my plans and my emotions don’t always add up. We’ll see.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Sam – thank you – it felt like Notoverit Land needed a face lift for the holidays.

      I know that anger that your husband had very well. Daniel went through it, too, for most of the six years of his affair. We all thought he was clinically depressed. I also think it was the guilt. He still suffers from it more often than I am able to handle.

      I’m glad you had a good Thanksgiving. I pray that Christmas will be the same, maybe even better. You both want this and so you can make it happen.

      I am listening to Christmas music as I write this, and I will soon be off to working with children on our Christmas program. That is one of the biggies in helping me move forward right now. Spending hours every day singing and dancing and rehearsing speeches with the kids about Christ and Christmas is so therapeutic.

      Before I was a full-time teacher, I used to work with my own kids on little performances for family Christmas functions. We also used to read Christmas stories together, play Christmas music on the piano, do an Advent wreath with weekly readings and ceremonies (even though it’s not part of my church’s tradition), and lots of other things to enjoy the season. In 2010, I had only one daughter in the same city as me, and she couldn’t convince me to do anything. I should have listened to her.

      Hope your day is going well, my dear Sam…

      Love & prayers,

  2. tryingtoowife says:

    Dear DJ. Once again thank you! What a beautiful card. The Christmas feelings it is all over your blog and it is lovely to feel it!
    Unfortunately, my husbands affair covers some important dates at the end of 2009/2010 – our wedding anniversary, my birthday and one of my daughters, Christmas and New year and then his birthday, then the acting strange over other daughter’s birthday, because the OW threats and blackmail. So for every date I have details to cover!
    So, needless to say, the first Christmas after DDay, apart from being crippled with pain after an accident and the emotional pain of his affair, I was so unable to connect to the season, and trying to keep all from my children, I ‘canceled’ Christmas and we went abroad, to a non Catholic country, and in spite of all, being somewhere so different we had a good time as a family! The second Christmas we went to my country to visit my family, and being with them helped a lot!
    This Christmas we decided in family to join my eldest daughter in volunteering to a good charity. So that is what we will be doing for 3 days, 7-8 hours a day. We are actually looking forward to helping the needy and to do some good on those days, and we can than be reminded once more of so many good things we still have between us. We are a still a wonderful family in spite of the pain we went through! We will celebrate another day, and we have already booked a nice restaurant. So there is a treat stored for us as well.
    I was a the party planner mother and wife. We had so much fun and I used to love it! I lost it! I will do it again I know. It is just taking a little longer than I ever imagined.

    • Not Over It says:

      Oh, I know what you mean about it taking longer than you imagined. You are another one who has been through so much.

      What a great idea for celebrating Christmas – volunteering for a charity! I love it! It covers all the bases – it keeps your brain occupied and your hands busy, it keeps the family together and gives you a sense of family purpose. Just perfect.

      I am also the party planner. So the family was lost without its planner. But I’m getting better. I’m still very unfocused but I want to do more.

      Hope you are enjoying the season… thank you for commenting on our new look. I think we all needed a change here.

      Love & prayers,

  3. Ariella says:

    I love your Christmas Blog Theme! Christmas has always been my favorite holiday! I have had my tree up since the 4th of November! I love everything about Chistmas, and reading your blog just made me smile! Affairs ruin so many things that we once loved! I know the feeling all too well of being miserable and just pushing through every day without breaking down.

    I am happy that in your recovery you are able to enjoy this wonderful holiday season! Perhaps Christmas will bring some much needed happiness and magic in your life!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Ariella – thank you. It is still the same blog theme – I just changed the colors and added a picture. I have been trying to convince my husband to paint one wall in our living room a pale green color. It’s the same thing – it’s so amazing what a little change in color will do.

      I do need some magic in my life – that’s why I designed my card to you all in the way it is. It feels magical. I would love some pixie dust all over me right now…

      I wish the same magic for you, too…

      Love & prayers,

  4. Teresa says:

    Thank you DJ for the uplifting Christmas look…change IS good! 🙂 Im listening to Pandora as I write this….Bing Crosby singing White Christmas…ya can’t get any better than that!
    I was in a real “funk” last week…Thanksgiving was good, in years past we’ve always had friends over…but this year it was just my husband and I and our kids, plus my mom….smaller group, but I liked it. My husband and I even went Black Friday shopping! He’s NEVER done that with me, so that was a nice change.
    This is a difficult time of the year for me since his EA was going full steam ahead at this time, 2 yrs ago…so Halloween ( he was out of town on Halloween during the EA…I was sending him pics of our youngest son out trick or treating, and he was also receiving pics from the cow, of HER son trick or treating!!) Thanksgiving and Christmas have all been tarnished…as well as our anniversary, which is next week!
    But I’m trying to not think about it….Christmas 2010 was ruined because he was having the EA, last Christmas I was 11months out and it was a sad time for me….I put on a big smile for my kids, but inside I was soooo sad….so hopefully this year will be better!
    I have a lot of activities planned, shopping with my friends, which I just couldn’t do last year, parties, etc….when the bad thoughts pop into my head, I just plan to stay busy!!
    I would be doing great, IF I could just get rid of the resentment I feel towards my husband when I think of how he has ruined so many good things that this time of the year holds …like most people, it’s my favorite time of the year, but sooooo tarnished now! Why couldn’t he have had his EA in the summer? I hate the summer!! LOL!
    I have faith that it WILL get better, well, it IS better than last year, so that’s a step in the right direction, right? 😀

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Teresa – I have also not had any big parties since Dday. I haven’t had the heart to do it. Thanksgiving was just 6 of us, instead of the 25+ I used to host. But it was nice. And I started right into my Christmas decorating the next day. I will have a full house on Christmas. But it’s just family, and I can slip away if I need to go shake off some tears and re-apply the happy face. That’s what I mean when I say I am pushing dark thoughts away.

      I am having difficulties with resentment, too. I am posting about it tonight. But it’s great you have a lot of activities planned! That’s my plan as well. The busier the better… I’ll pray that we both have lots of fun.

      Love & prayers,

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