The secret is gratitude

I happened upon this blog quite by accident today, and thought it was the perfect thing for Thanksgiving weekend and the official beginning of the holiday season.  The writer weaves a beautiful lesson into her story.

Hope your weekend is blessed.  I’ve had some very poignant moments, which I’ll share with you next week.  Right now I’m putting up my Christmas tree.  Two years ago I was so close to Dday 1 that I was still in shock and didn’t do any Christmas decorating at all.  Last year I got it done just in time for Christmas Eve.  This year I am back to my normal routine of putting everything up the day after Thanksgiving.  Bless us, every one.


11 thoughts on “The secret is gratitude

  1. Liberty says:

    DJ, I am so glad your are putting up your decorations! That’s great! That was my plan but I just can’t get it together this week-end. H and I had a fight on Tuesday night and barely spoke for 2 days. Somehow I pulled off Thanksgiving dinner. We are talking now but I just have zero energy to decorate. Maybe next week.

    I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holdiay.

  2. I have been fortunate that FD-Day didn’t fall around holidays but the first discovery of his attachment to Tina was a week after our 26th anniversary. That will be interesting to see if I am affected by that or not. I am of the mindset that I am not allowing Tina and Lee to take from me what was never theirs to take (my last three years). I will enjoy those moments even tho they were having their affair but our anniversary…that’s a bit different. I hope I can make it through it and if he continues to move in the direction he is…. it’s hopeful. But it was a blessing being all together on Thanksgiving when it could have been a whole lot different if I hadn’t decided to forgive and stay. Blessings!

    • exercisegrace says:

      What a powerful statement. I am so struck by it. “I am not allowing Tina and Lee to take from me what was never theirs to take (my last three years)”. I am absolutely dumbstruck.
      I have been struggling mightily or wallowing horrifically, you choose. I can’t bear to look at pictures I took during the last three years. It reminds me of what was going on “in the background”. I see a picture of me smiling at a soccer game, and I think….you moron, he was at home screwing his slut and there you are fat, dumb and happy.
      I have alternated between fantasizing that our house would spontaneously (but without any people or pets in it of course!!) burn to the ground, disappear into thin air or fall into a ginormous sinkhole and fantasizing that someone would drive up our driveway and insist that they MUST buy OUR house. No really, I’ll write you a check just tell me a number! LOL, LOL!! Because the vast majority of their affair occurred here, I have told my husband that I feel homeless. They ran a business out of our house for three years, and I hate that she spent so much time here. I hate what went on here. HATE.
      And then I read that. AM I letting them, specifically HER, take something that was never hers? Is it that simple? Can I just turn my thinking around? He was never hers to have. What they did was wrong and horrible. But he came back. He chose to be with me. He recognizes it as a life altering mistake. He IS remorseful. He is sorry. He is in counseling, both alone and marital. What more can I really ask? Maybe it’s time to start asking some questions of myself. Ok. I hurt, and I likely will for a LONG time. But what am I willing to GIVE AWAY and what am I claiming to KEEP?
      The truth is, there are good things that happened during those years. His bad that he missed out on watching our daughter’s team win back to back soccer championships. But I didn’t miss it. I was there screaming with delight and pride in those girls. Too bad he missed cookie baking and story reading and first high school dance and boy scout achievements. But I didn’t.
      Ok, I’ll stop rambling. But that one sentence jumped out and grabbed me by the throat. Yes, I have lost much. But I don’t need to give away more.
      blessings friend.

      • AngelWings says:

        Hi EG,
        I can understand what you are saying. I am 100% THANKFUL that my H EA was not during the holiday seasons. His was from Jan-May. Therefore, I can enjoy this family time. My Dday was the day after our 22nd anniversary. The morning after!! I can still picture everything in my head leading up to that day. I think part of me was suspisious, but in denial. The summer months are the hardest for me, plus events that come up between Jan-May. I have a hard time seeing pictures to knowing now what was going on at that time. This was our daughter’s senior year in HS and we have many pictures of different events going on for her. After we’d take family pictures my H would always ask for us to take a picture of him by himself with his phone. I found it strange but since we were both losing weight at that time, I figured he was just proud of the weight he’d lost. Well now I know why he wanted them off his phone~he was texting them to her!! So looking back at some of those photos from those events are a trigger. But I see where your coming from. You’re right-we shouldn’t let either him or her take away from the happiness we felt at that time. (Easier said than done I know).
        OK enough rampling. DJ I’m glad to hear you are putting up your christmas tree and decorations. My daughter comes home from college this weekend and we are hoping to put ours up then. I still can’t find the strength to do it by myself. I stil want my childrens lending hand in it. My son has a more difficult time coming home because of his job and distance so for now I will wait on my daughter and hope my H pitches in too. Blessing and Peace to you all!!

      • Lol EG I have a stubborn streak in me and when I think the enemy is going to profit from this I fight back by changing my attitude. I refuse to let him steal, kill or destroy me so I tend to do the opposite of what he wants (at least sometimes hahahah) Seriously tho, I took my best pics when we went away and when we spent a week house sitting I had lost 147 pounds, was wearing a size 0 and felt the best I ever had. So all the hiking we did that week was a blast for me. He said he enjoyed to but he was still texting Tina and Celia the whole time. I almost went through and destroyed all those pics but if I do that she wins and the enemy wins and I lose the celebration that was going on inside of me not to mention some gorgeous pics. I always had fun why try to deny that now? That just makes me a victim and liar to myself. I’m not happy that I know now what he was doing but it doesn’t change the fact that AT THAT TIME those were good times for me with or without him and regardless of whether he had fun or not.

  3. Not Over It says:

    Hi HE – We have a close friend who I think has figured out what happened between Daniel and me. He left his wife for another woman several years ago. The new relationship fell apart rather quickly and now he lives in the torment of guilt and yearning for his family and his wife. Daniel has been talking to him, and I think maybe he said just a little too much. The guy is calling me an angel and treats me with such deference that it’s a little awkward. He has given Daniel much to think about in the area of gratitude.

    Praying for you,

    • exercisegrace says:

      Wow DJ, I love the way God places people in our path when we need them. It may be this friend’s words that reach your husband in a way that no one else’s could. Not yours, not a therapist. But someone that took the other road and is sorry for it. Someone who can testify that the sunshine and roses in fantasyland don’t hold up.

      • Not Over It says:

        Our friend has made a great impact on both my husband and me. So much so that I’m going to post about it. You’re absolutely right – no one else could have said it better than the real-life experience we are going through with our friend.

        Glad to see you here – I’ve been missing my friends over the weekend…

        Love & prayers,

  4. Liberty says:

    Hi everyone….I tell myself that by thinking of her and the EA that I am still letting myself lose out on so much, and I know I am. But I can’t seem to help it. My whole freaking summer was so bad…angry and crying. Did not see friends, did not exercise, did nothing but fight and cry! I don’t want the next few months to be like that. I want to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends but I’m struggling every day with this.I just want a few hours of peace with no intruding thoughts..

    Wed. is our counseling appt with hopefully someone who can help us this time! LOL I can’t take another one who tells me to get over it already!

    Take care everyone!!! Thanks for listening! Liberty

  5. Have you ever considered creating an e-book or guest authoring
    on other sites? I have a blog centered on the same topics you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.

    I know my readers would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.

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