Stronger by Mandisa

In the early days after Dday – oh, maybe a whole year afterwards it used to irritate me to listen to positive songs that said I would end up a deeper and stronger person after this.  Positive affirmations and preachers like Joel Osteen were ok, but rather meaningless.  I couldn’t relate to them at the time.  The pain was so all-encompassing and so deep that I couldn’t see outside of the hole I was in.  I scoffed at the ideas.  It seemed to me that they were making light of my pain.  Nothing was worth the pain.  A deeper and stronger person?  Surely there had to be another way.  This was torture.  Nothing positive could come from it.

And I was so angry at God… I had been so sure that he was healing my husband of his “depression.”  That was laughable after I realized it was really all about his betrayal and infidelity.  Depression?  I had been so worried about my husband’s “depression,” but look at me now, I thought.  Depression could not even begin to describe the torture I was in, and God had allowed it… I knew He was there and I knew He helped people, but He did not help me.  I turned away from it all.

As time went on and I studied, and went to counseling, and talked, and got coaching, and blogged, and made blogging friends who understood, I slowly climbed out and saw the path ahead.  I realized I had been stuck in the darkness, but there was still life outside of my hole.  God was right there waiting for me, too.

I am not whole yet, but I am out of that hole.  I still would not say that there was ANYTHING that made going through that torture worthwhile, but I do see that I am indeed  stronger and deeper in many ways.  Weaker in some ways, too, and changed in some ways that I would not have wanted, but I have learned much.  In this place and in the person I am now, it seems to be turning into a habit to listen to positive music again.  I can relate to it now.  God is calling me to it.  Here is my song for this weekend:  STRONGER by Mandisa.

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain’t right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you’re asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don’t hang your head
It’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even if it’s hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you …

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even when you just can’t feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

‘Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I’m sure that He’s gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
In time it’s gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

And here’s the YouTube link to a video with the lyrics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emgv-VRtMEU&feature=BFa&list=PL4F71911777AEFC5A

And if you’re still in your own hole of darkness, don’t worry.  Keep reading.  Keep talking.  Keep praying.  You’ll find your way out and then this song will make sense.

Love and prayers to each of you who reads this,

DJ

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2 thoughts on “Stronger by Mandisa

  1. eatmyscabs says:

    I remember feeling empty, abandoned by the God a thought I knew. But really why would i think i’d get any special treatment in the world. There are many good people who experience terrible things. I had to remind myself to stop feeling so slighted. life is life and it’s full of peoples choices and good/bad consequences.
    thanks for the reminder

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi EMS – nice to hear from you! Yes, I have had to remind myself also. We were not slighted by God. He put His hand over us as much as He could without denying anyone their free will.

      I doubted His love for a long time. I don’t anymore. I think you are plenty worth special treatment as someone He loves, just as He loves me – and all of us. He is big enough to be there for each of us individually. I think, though, that God follows His own rules. He gave us free will – all of us – so as you said, life becomes overrun with people’s choices and the consequences, both good and bad.

      “There will be day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears.”
      from There will be a Day by Jeremy Camp

      I so look forward to that day.

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

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