My fall break is always the first two weeks of October. Almost two years ago, my husband took me on a big “third honeymoon,” as he called it, during this break. Today I know that he had decided that it was better to break off from his affair and stay with me, and he wanted to make it up to me without actually telling me about it. But he continued to write to her right through that so-called honeymoon. While still on that trip, I found the emails they were exchanging at that time. They were not romantic and passionate, but they were still very chummy and close and full of those acronyms, which I now know were love quotes. He told me that he knew I would be upset if he became friends with his old girlfriend, so he didn’t tell me, but they were just friends. That was Dday 1. It ruined the rest of the trip.
On the night we returned home, I found the rest of the emails… the love letters, the sex letters, the letters saying that I was one big mistake… all of them. That was Dday 2. Life will never be the same.
Last year during fall break, we stayed home. The first anniversary of Dday loomed on the horizon, and the thought of going on a trip with him just brought up too many bad memories, and so we didn’t do anything. I cleaned house and worked on new licenses at my fitness club.
Well, fall break is here again. My husband has surprised me with another trip, and I am sitting in a hotel room right now. It’s a trip I have always wanted to take, but it was never big on his list of priorities, and even though we have had the chance to do it before, he never wanted to. Now he says he wants to start over with me, and on his own he planned the whole trip to do some things I had always wanted to do. So thoughtful… so different from ever before.
I don’t know that we can really start over. We haven’t really worked through the past. He refuses to look at it and do what needs to be done to learn and grow from it. He wants to just bury it. Never talk about it again and pretend it never happened. I have read enough to know that this doesn’t work. But it was awfully sweet of him to plan this trip for me. And it has been a pleasure to be with him these past few days. He’s still quiet and doesn’t want to talk about our relationship at all – he just wants to have fun and enjoy the moments. I can do that for now. The thought that it was on a very similar trip that it all came crashing down has crossed my mind, but I am ok. The second anniversary of Dday 1 will happen while we are still on this trip, but I will deal with it. I will be ok. Dday 2, the big one, will come after we get home. It’s better that way.
So I am very busy at the moment, and may not have much time to post or answer comments, but I will whenever I have free time. Wish me luck!