I sat for a while reading other people’s blogs and wondering what I should write about myself. Couldn’t come up with anything… I’m in a funk right now. I’m not manically depressed. I am sitting in the center of the emotional tornado right now. It’s calm. It’s quiet. But I can’t get out. I can’t see the path. I can’t feel anything but that lead apron of sadness sitting on my chest.
I went to the dentist this past weekend and they took x-rays. I haven’t had x-rays since I wrote that post about the lead apron. So I got to feel the real lead apron sitting on my chest. It really does feel like what my heart has been feeling for much of the last nearly two years now.
I wish someone could take x-rays of my spirit and then fix it all up just like a dentist… maybe a crown or maybe a filling for that hole in my chest… and maybe I could get some cosmetic work done and look all shiny and new again.
My husband could do it, if he were so inclined… but he doesn’t seem to be. He doesn’t seem to want to leave, but he won’t open up to me, either. So we remain stuck.
I’m not lying around in a depressed state, though. I am working hard and doing many things… made some strides in my martial arts class… and I’m enjoying time with my baby granddaughter. It’s just those times when I stop moving and the tornado closes in on me…
Love & prayers,