Falling Apart is No Longer an Option

I have been fortunate in that I had the time and space to give to recovery for a year and a half.  I disappeared into myself when I needed to.  I exercised like a crazy woman.  I read and blogged and wrote to my coach daily.  I do have a job, but I did it on autopilot for a while and then I learned to focus for periods of time to get things done.  I am behind, though, and need to catch up at some point.

The process has been painfully slow, but I am getting shock treatment to speed up the process now.  My daughter, the oldest of my children, has separated from her husband.  I suspect he is having an affair.  The signs are all there, and I’m not blind to them as I was with my husband’s affair.  It kills me to know that my daughter may become another unwilling member of our community.

They have a baby girl, the light of my life – the light of Daniel’s life, too.  It’s going to be a tough road for all, as you are all well aware.  I cannot fall apart now.  I cannot disappear into myself for hours at a time.  I need to be there for both of them.   It is hard, but for my child, I can do anything.


16 thoughts on “Falling Apart is No Longer an Option

  1. I’m so sorry your daughter is having to go through that.

  2. Susie says:

    I too am so very sorry for your daughter and that precious child, both who do not deserve this! He must have no idea how much this can hurt that innicent child and his family.
    I’ll never understand the pathology of the other person or the cheater for that matter! (I think that is actually a good thing) Turn a marriage upside down, interfere in a marriage that was not theirs, and disregard two other human beings. Infidelity is not an effective way to find a new mate or a new life for themselves. Chasing and wanting for what wasn’t theirs. Doesn’t sound productive to me.
    You and your daughter are in my prayers tonight.

    • Not Over It says:

      Thank you, Susie. Prayers are the best medicine.

      He himself knows the heartache this causes. His father left his family for another woman when he was little. He’s just a selfish ass.

  3. Teresa says:

    I’m sorry DJ..this has to be so painful for you, because you know exactly what your daughter is going through…the fear, the feelings of loss, the anger…but I’m glad she has you in her life, she’s going to need you so much now…you are in my prayers…

  4. Foolish Woman says:

    I’m so sorry your daughter is suffering this awful pain.

  5. It breaks my heart to hear that your own daughter might be going through the same thing… We would never wish this on anyone (except maybe to the desperate cows), so to hear that your own child might be suffering how we have suffered is too painful. Now that I have a child of my own, I would do anything to protect him and one day to educate him to never hurt another human being like this.

    But if there’s any silver lining here, it’s that you more than understand her situation and can give her the utmost support and wisdom. I hope it’s not an affair and that she will be spared by what we had gone through. You’re stronger that you think, my friend; and you know you will help your daughter get through this, and maybe she will help you too along the way.

    Love and prayers, always.

  6. nmwf1 says:

    Hi Dj, That is simply sickening to hear, especially knowing how much the first few months after finding out tear your world apart and then we all know the roller coaster ride she faces. I have to tell you it must be the sign of the times. One of my daughters good friends that lives a few houses down the street from her in the same neighbor hood, has two little ones ages 4 and 18 months and one on the way due next month. She has been with her husband for 6 year s but actually just got married last new years eve. He has a good job, shes going to school to get her degree in medical field, they have a lovely home. everything was going good, so she thought. Out of the blue 3 weeks ago, he said he was going out with his buddies after work, and didn’t come home for 4 days, she was devastated of course, didn’t know what to think, then he came home and told her he was just overwhelmed and needed time to himself. Given the predicament that she was in, she bought into it and he was back home, He of course told her a bunch of lies about where he stayed and what he was doing and who he was with, but it was obvious from the outside looking in, however she chose to believe him, she said there was no fighting for the next week and a half, things seemed to be going well, (as well as can be anyway) and then last Friday he left again but didn’t come back. Wouldn’t answer her calls or her text messages and then she found out he is with another woman, he simply wrote her a text message and told her that he didn’t love her anymore, and that he was in love with someone else. She is beyond devastation now. My daughter is trying to help her. She went today to file for divorce to protect the children, But my heart is breaking for her, Last night she had to go to the hospital, shes having such a hard time its putting a strain on her pregnancy. he is pathetic to say the least. But everyone around him, friends, family, all want to break his neck. He doesn’t care, he says he just wants out. He is absolutely cruel to say the least. All I can say is ( I just don’t know what to think.)

    • Not Over It says:

      Geez, that’s awful. I’m glad your daughter is there to help her. I am a firm believer in community and people helping one another in their community. If my suspicions are right, my daughter will need support like your friend, too. Hopefully I can help without losing my self-control. Thank you for your support here, NM. I so appreciate it.

      • nmwf1 says:

        Thanks Dj, I really don’t see that anything is going to help these girls at this stage of the game, Except they are young and probably a little stronger, however they have young children and it compounds there mess., I just can’t believe how some men can be that heartless. ( and woman for that matter) but as arrogant as these men are, it will come back to bite them in the butt. We all know that, one way or another. If this man stays the course of his crap, he will be slammed with child support and we all know that is where a young guy really gets hit hard in his wallet. Three kids, he is basically F***ed in that department, a judge will slam him, especially since he left when the third baby isn’t even here yet. However no matter what it does to him financially, that fact still remains that her heart is broken into a million pieces right now and that is a tough one. I believe he will come to his senses eventually when he realizes what he has given up, his family, and the one he left them for won’t look so good when the new wears off and everyday life sets in, It will be to late though and, he will live with many regrets. I can’t wait to see it. What kind of man leaves his young family and pregnant wife for a piece of ass. Because when he wakes up, and he will, He will hate himself, he will hate the OW, and it will be to late, And what kind of woman does he think he is getting, What woman, except someone who is just plain sleazy would participate in an affair with a man that has those obligations at home. I want to kick her Assssssssssssssssss.

      • Not Over It says:

        Exactly. Love & prayers to you all…

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