Music to vent by

I have said a number of times that I couldn’t listen to much music for a long time after D-day.  There were too many triggers.  I still can’t listen to many love songs.  For a while I listened to sad stuff like the music from Braveheart.  It felt sad and let me be sad in it.  If you are sad – that incredible sadness that colors your world gray – then Braveheart can be there with you.  It didn’t make me feel better, but it sat with me and allowed me to express my pain.  Here is a link to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vgw1DqgtI0E&feature=BFa&list=PL2C6AF4A885748463

Right now I am angry.  This song is perfect for the angry phase.  It’s Joan Jett with I Hate Myself for Loving You.

If you need to express your heartbreak, here is a good one.  Per the recommendation of fellow blogger Fighter and Survivor, here is Adele with He Won’t Go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alk6tCF0KAU&feature=BFa&list=PL98446A54E9BE1279

You know, some of these songs are not even songs I would have listened to before D-day.  But the intensity of the emotions after discovery of my husband’s betrayal have changed me.  These songs, while not necessarily my style, speak to me today.

Say, if you have a song that speaks to you in your journey, send us the link in a comment below.  We can share what helps us through.

Sending you all love & prayers,

DJ

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24 thoughts on “Music to vent by

  1. Amy says:

    Oh I am so glad others have this issue…well, kinda. I mean, I don’t want people to have problems, but I am glad I am not alone. Does that make sense? After my break up I couldn’t listen to music. It all hurt. Then the kick-ass country music started helping. I mean, Miranda singing about “Kerosene” is kinda feel good music when your heart hurts. Or Carrie Underwood with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat…yeah, I have wanted to do that. Or Patty Loveless “Blame It On Your Lying, Cheating Heart”. If you go to my blog today, you will see that today is a musical day for me as well. My ex has appeared in my life in a way that is somewhat confusing. I have been praying about it. There have been lots of tears shed. I’m trying to figure out what is going on. He hasn’t spoken to me and I don’t know if he will. But I am aware of his presence. It’s disconcerting. All I can do is pray. God is speaking and moving. Please say a prayer for me, girl! Sorry to write so much here. I can’t really put it on my blog. He reads it I think. (Which I am glad for, but I don’t want to spill too much of my heart there.) Love and prayers to you. Hope you are well. I’ve been thinking of you!

    • Not Over It says:

      Good additions to our collection, Amy – thanks! And I do pray for you – you have my love and prayers daily –

      DJ

      • Amy says:

        Thank you so much! I have been praying for you as well. I sat today and just had a little chat with God. I don’t get all that is going on but I talk to Him and hope He can sort it out. I couldn’t believe my ex could throw such a wrench into life, but he did. I’d like to bash him in the head with it, but I will pray for him instead (shrugging as I type that). Love and prayers. So glad I found this blog! 🙂

      • Not Over It says:

        I’m glad, too. We are a wonderful bunch of friends here!

  2. We’re all plagued by the triggers everywhere! In my case, since my husband and I have had a horrible relationship prior to D-Day, I can’t even listen to ANY songs that reminds me of our past, love songs or otherwise. Any hits from the past would remind me of where we were at the time, either in college, or in another city, or when we just moved into a new house, etc. I know we didn’t have a bad marriage for the entire 11 years through D-Day, but the things he’d told me to justify his affair had made me think of only the bad in our past; the arguments, the bad moods, the bitterness and so on. When I hear those songs, I get overcome with regret of the things I did or said that had contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. And I especially will die if I hear any songs that came out during the time of the affair. So yeah, I’ve been staying away from the radio and only listen to songs that I choose via the ipod. Most of the music I listen to now are new ones too since they don’t carry memories of our history together.

    I’d like to suggest Sia’s album “Lady Croissant” for some sad yet uplifting music. She had accompanied me through every single day of my pregnancy, when I was feeling so emotional and sad.

    Love, hugs and strength to everyone

    • Not Over It says:

      I like it, Fighter! Thank you.

      I’m the same way. We had good times before, but because she was his first girlfriend, it feels like our entire relationship is tainted. He told her that he was just trying to move on after she dumped him, but he never forgot her. Nice thing for me to read… so there’s nothing from the past that feels safe.

      They also sent songs to each other all the time. After six years, there aren’t a lot of songs I feel won’t trigger memories for him of her. So we don’t listen to much music from the past, except for Christian music. New music is ok if it’s not a love song.

      Such a long list of no-no’s when it comes to music…

  3. exercisegrace says:

    Love everyones selections! I will add a few off the top of my head. Not Out by Greg Laswell. Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets. When Mercy Found Me by Rhett Walker Band. I will add more later. We should all have quite a play list when we are done.

  4. exercisegrace says:

    On an unrelated side note, I was thinking of all of you this weekend. In a quick succession of days, it was/would have been my parents’ anniversary, it was my mom’s birthday and the day after that the tenth anniversary of her death. Lots of tears. Definitely the hardest anniversary to date. Even though my husband is here and we are working it out, I felt more vulnerable this year than in years past. I always KNEW he would ALWAYS be there for me. Living life, raising our kids, even as we mourned the loss of our parents, aunts, uncles etc. Now I feel an acute sense of vulnerability. I take nothing for granted (which could be good in a way i guess), but I also don’t feel the rock solid assurance that I have had in years past. Sorry to be the downer this morning! But I really did think of all of you, and how much you are lifting me on my journey. How horrible we are all here. How beautiful we are all together.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey EG – sorry I didn’t have the chance to answer until today. It warms my heart to know that you think of us here in our little community. We really are beautiful together. No one can minister to us the way we can minister to each other.

      Do not ever worry about being a downer. That’s what we are here for – to help each other through those times so that the good times come more and more often. And they will. At 20+ months, I have many good days and good times. Right now is not one of them, but oh well… the good times do come. And many times we can laugh right through the pain…

      I’m so sorry to hear that so many special memory days come so close together. They do for me, too. The anniversary of my mom’s passing is coming up. It’s been 7 years already. It sickens me to know now that at her funeral, my husband had just booked his tickets to go see his OW for the first time. He put his arm around me during the wake service and that was about it as far as emotional support went. He left a few days later and I didn’t see him for a month because he went on a business trip, sneaking in the time to go see her. I try not to let it ruin special memories of people who truly reached out to my family and me when we lost our mom, but sometimes it’s hard. The affair lasted six years. For 20 percent of my marriage, my husband was involved with someone else.

      OK, I need to stop that. I am in a funk right now and should not let it get out of hand today. I’m going to go read the car analogy again to lift my spirits.

      Love & prayers to you, EG –
      DJ

  5. Teresa says:

    I guess I’m “lucky” in that if my H and the cow had any special songs, he never told me about them! YAY!!! There are a few movies that bother me though….I clearly remember watching them with him during the EA and commenting on the message of the movie, and he would agree with me!
    Movies like “Facing The Giants” a movie that is clearly about God and the choices we make…my H even commented on how much he likes the movie, I think we watched it two or three times during his EA…then he’d go upstairs to get ready for bed…and text the cow! LOL!! What a big, fat lying dope who was living in lala land!!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Teresa,

      Isn’t it amazing how they do that – lala land, the fog, fantasy world – whatever you want to call it – they effectively block out reality.

      If there are any blessings to be had while inside this whole mess, I would say that not knowing about silly things like specials songs is one of them. It haunts me. I’m glad you don’t have to deal with much of that, Teresa.

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

  6. Susie says:

    I commute to work each day one hour and 15 minutes each way. These are my songs when needed to express my pain.
    Adele 21 most of the songs on this CD, my two favorite: Turning tables and Take it all
    Kelly Clarkson: Mr know it all
    One republic: Apologize and Secrets
    Leona Lewis: Take a bow
    Script: The man who can’t be moved and breakeven!!! Iisten to this one
    Jason Derulo: whatcha say
    Cee Lo Green: forget you
    Hinder: The life
    Bruno Mars: Grenada!!!
    Brandy: Have you ever
    John Mayer: Heartbreak warfare
    Beyonce: irreplaceable
    Christina Perri: Jar of heart
    Maroon5: Misery and Wake up call
    Rob Thomas: Someday

    This song I could only wish my husband would dedicate to me.
    KeithUrban: Making memories of us
    Unfortunately neither one of us listens to Country musci

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi Susie – you’ve got a great list! I listen to many of them, too. I think I’ll open an account on YouTube for notoverit@wordpress.com. I’ll let you know when it’s up and running.

      I remember hearing the Keith Urban song, but I think I classified it as a love song and stayed away. I’ll take a listen again.

      Thank you!

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

  7. Susie says:

    I heard this song on a love station.
    When it is all said and done, life is only your memories!

    • Not Over It says:

      You can still listen to love stations??? Wow, you are a strong one, Susie. Good for you! I’m a wimp. Can’t handle any of that.

      Love & prayers,
      DJ

      • Not Over It says:

        OMG Suzie – That Keith Urban song is beautiful, and I understand how you would wish for your husband to dedicate it, or something like it, to you. What a dream that would be…

        It’s not a song from their past, so I can listen to it, but it still made me cry almost all the way through it. In fact, I’m still crying. I think it’s because I doubt I’ll ever hear words like those in my marriage.

        Nope, I don’t think I’m ready for love songs yet.

  8. Susie says:

    I could not listen to music for the longest time. Music was a big part or my husbands and my life for so long. Early after D day I found two play list written out on paper. He admitted making her some CDs. I used to joke that my husband had more CDs than Barnes & Noble. Then I found out he went through ALL our CDs and took every love song and dedicated it to her by making these CDs and then making some story to go along with them. Depending on the day, month or year he admits to making 4 -12 CDs. I later found 3 more play list. The hardest part was this one song. A few years back, we had gone on vacation with six other couples and I got crazy one night on the beach and started singing this song.To this day everybody teases me about this song and calls it my song. Well you guessed it, he dedicated it to her and played it in their hotel room. I will never be able to understand how he could be so remote from it all.
    The girls at work listen to Pop music. One day I related to the song from Script, Breadeven. These songs started gravitatng to me. So I downloaded them to my iPhone and started singing, screaming or crying to them on my way back and forth to work. For some crazy reason it made me feel like I had a voice in this threesome.
    To this day we do not listen to much music together. I have told him that it is his problem to fix. He has yet to come up with a solution. If we are on the road together I play my iPhone music. He doesn’t quite know what to do. OH WELL.
    Hope you had a great weekend.

    • Teresa says:

      Wow Susie…that just cruel….all I can say is I hope he thanks you everyday for still being there with him…you are a strong woman!!

    • Not Over It says:

      Truly, Susie – that must have cut deep. But then, he probably never thought that you would find that out. Still incredibly insensitive.

      I have a playlist called “Sadness.” It’s filled with sad love songs. I used to play it sometimes and sing along or scream and cry my eyes out, roll up in a ball – whatever suited me at the moment. It was therapeutic at times, and at other times it sent me spiraling into a flash back. I avoid it these days.

      Songs that I knew they exchanged and happy love songs are difficult because I always imagine that it is how they felt about each other. Their special song is completely off limits. If I even hear the opening chords, my stomach goes into knots and a feeling of dread comes over me. And of course, tears are ever at the ready.

      My husband and I listen only to classical, new age, or Christian music when we are together. Anything else is just a time bomb waiting to go off. Oh, and we listen to a lot of children’s music since we take care our baby granddaughter daily. “Head, shoulders, knees and toes…” That’s the best!

  9. LA says:

    Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for the past week, trying to prepare myself for not only a wedding anniversary but D-Day (Anniversary 8-28, D-Day 8-29); you have provided so much insight and comfort. Although my story involves an EA, that supposedly only lasted a few months, it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before in my life. The stories here have helped me realize that I am not alone – also, we all have battles to fight and wounds that we will carry for the rest of our lives.

    Because I love music so much and have always relied on it to help me through whatever is going on in my life, I felt today was the perfect day to finally leave a comment (with a song included)….I played this song for myself today after not hearing it for a long time and it brought out such emotion for me. It’s called “Healing Waters” by Michele Tumes. I was thinking today, being the one year anniversary of D-Day, would be the worst, but so far I am OK. This song has truly helped…..thank you all for your posts and comments. Wishing you all peace and healing waters.

    “Healing Waters” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmJGAVP2i7s

  10. Not Over It says:

    Welcome, LA! I am so sorry you needed to be here, but glad to invite you in as a part of our community.

    I hope your day is going smoothly. I get through these days by thinking about the fact that it is a good thing that he turned away from the evil in his life, and started on the road back to a clean life. It doesn’t take away the pain, but for me it makes it easier to manage. And then I try to do some good for someone else. As we’ve all heard, there’s nothing like helping others to take your mind off yourself and lift your spirits.

    I do spend some time in reflection and allowing my emotions to be released. I sing sad songs and I cry and rant and rave. And then I turn to happy and spiritual music, and turn my thoughts to others.

    Happy anniversary to my new friend… I’m praying for a day that will make you smile.

    Love & prayers,
    DJ

  11. […] feeling a bit inspired tonight.  Recently, Not Over It posted “Music To Vent By” on her awesome blog and I’d like to add to it and keep it going.  Up until tonight, I […]

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