I am depressed today. I have read many times that affairs are no win situations, but the thought is really with me today. I see DynamicEclectic, whose divorce will be final soon. It’s so very hard for him. And there’s my wise sage LFBA, Looking for Buddha Again, whose divorce was just recently finalized, and he is suffering, too. Then there are those of us who are still married – for now anyway. Samantha burned some of her husband’s clothes on the driveway. Fighter suffers silently as she tries to build a happy family for her precious baby. NM rages at her husband and I can’t blame her for feeling out of control. So do I sometimes. Morgan and her husband both suffer as they rebuild their lives together.
We all question and second guess our decisions. We all suffer. There is misery in staying. There is misery in leaving.
I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow. Today it all just seems so unfair. And an unforgiving thought is swirling around in my soul – my husband brought me to this place. He caused this situation in our marriage. He put me in this no-win situation.
I know that forgiveness is a process, and we have to re-affirm it often. It’s also good for us whether or not we stay with our betrayers. But I’m not being very good about it today. I need to get back on my knees and ask for the strength to keep at it. I just don’t think I can do it today.