This trip is proving to be even more valuable to my recovery than I ever thought possible. I wish all BSs could do this. It has validated who I am today. I am much changed from who I was before all this mess, but I am comfortable and confident with it… for right now anyway. I know better than to say everything will be good from here on out. Been there, done that…
Daniel asked if he could join me for the last part of my journey. He arrived last night. We had a good evening together. Already there were two triggers – his phone and him getting angry over my reaction to the trigger. I didn’t make a big fuss. I just asked him to put it away. It was just the fact that I still have triggers that made him angry. But his anger takes me back to the evening before Dday when I was suspicious and he got way over-the-top angry about it.
The triggers twisted my stomach into knots for a little bit but I got control over it. I told him what was bothering me and left it at that. I refused to engage him in an argument and we cooled off quickly, and were ok after that.
I didn’t suffer any triggers while we were apart. That was a big change from his last trip where I freaked out over a lot of things. Not this time. I was the one on a trip away from the home, which was the setting for the nightmare of the last year and a half. I was the one experiencing all kinds of new and different things. It was wonderful. And then as soon as I saw him again, the triggers started again.
What am I saying here? I’m not even sure myself. He is out right now and I just wanted to take a minute to say hi to everyone and let you know what’s happening. No time for heavy duty thinking on this yet. Your thoughts?
Love & prayers,