I was away from home for a while, and came back last week. I’m leaving again soon on another trip. My husband will be gone for several weeks over the next few months, too. The timing is almost like a trial separation. So I’m using the time to think things through. Can I live without him? Can I live with him? Things are not working the way they are. What changes would make it work? Does he really love me? Hence the topics of my recent posts…
Just after I came home, a couple of things happened that blew me away. I suppose it could all have been just a serendipitous combination of events, but wow. If God was trying to get my attention, He sure did. It was almost unnerving. I’d like to tell you about the first one today.
A fairly new friend that we met at our fitness club called and asked if he could come over. He said he needed to talk. We were relieved. The guy had seemingly vanished for two weeks before that, and none of our friends and seen or heard from him. We were glad he chose to tell us what was going on.
So he came to our house and we had a nice dinner and then he began his story. We didn’t know much about his past and he filled us in. He cheated on his wife and left her five years ago. He said that what he did was horrible, but he did agree to take care of his wife, and he has supported her for the past five years. Over time, he came out of the affair fog and said he realized that he had ruined his life. He tried to bury the pain. He couldn’t face his wife and he never saw her. He just sent checks in the mail. But as much as he tried to bury it, it forced itself up to haunt him. The guilt ate at him. He went into such a depression that he had a meltdown and didn’t leave his house for two weeks. He contemplated suicide. I messaged him on that day, unknowing, as did some of our other friends. It helped him to make the right decisions and he decided to reach out to my husband and me.
I had told him some months back that my husband and I had gone through some difficulties in getting along with each other, and that we were trying to work it out. He told us that night that he has watched us since then. He sees us a few times every week at the club. He noticed the times when we seemed happy to be with each other and he noticed times when the tension between us was clear. He said that the thing that intrigued him was that we were so obviously in love with one another and even through our difficulties, he saw each of us reach out to the other at different times. He said it was wonderful to watch. It was also difficult for him to watch. What if he had done the right thing and reached out to his wife? What if he had tried to make it work? We were a constant reminder of his failure.
So why reach out to the two of us? He said we accepted him just as he was. We opened our home and our hearts to him readily just as we opened our hearts to each other even through our difficulties.
Wait… what? Was he talking about the same DJ and the same Daniel who have been the subject of this blog on infidelity? The same DJ who is looking at time apart and thinking about making it permanent? Have I been blind? Has he been blind? No. Can’t be. Can it?
It was hard to hear his story and even harder to hear him talk about his observations of us.
I hope that Daniel takes in the part about trying to bury it and not deal with it. For me, I know I have to look at the words: “you guys are so obviously in love with one another.” It’s obvious? We are? He sees us reach out to each other?
Well, Daniel does do all kinds of little acts of service -that’s his love language – when we are at the club. He brings me drinks, he gets all my equipment ready, he carries everything for me. That is his best way of showing love, I guess.
But then, there’s that stupid part when he tells me I should make his love language my own. Then we’ll have no issue about showing love. Nice. Really nice… Idiot. But wait – do I love him in spite of that? I suppose I do. Oh, I am so torn…