It’s here – May 7. Today is the anniversary of our first kiss. We used to celebrate it and do it up as big as our wedding anniversary. I loved our story because it was not just a little kiss a short time after meeting each other. It was deep and meaningful and emotional. We had known each other the whole school year and had become good friends. We talked a lot and saw each other at parties and dances and at school. Never alone together, but we often attended the same functions.
It didn’t take long before I knew I was head over heels in love with him. But I was young – 17 – and had gone through some trauma in high school and was not ready to really date. I was content just to be near him and it appeared he felt the same. He never told me he had a girlfriend on the other side of the country.
Then his girlfriend dumped him and became engaged to someone else. He was depressed for a while, but felt ready to move on towards the end of the school year. We became closer friends than ever. Then on May 7 he asked if I was going to the school dance. We met and had a great time at the dance and then walked outside in the moonlight for a while. By that time, we both knew we loved each other, but neither had made a move. We reached his car and our eyes met as he opened the door for me. He reached out for me and we melted in each other’s arms. I didn’t come down from Cloud Nine for days.
We both knew somehow that we would end up together. So we always celebrated May 7 as the day we became a couple. But that girlfriend who dumped him became his affair partner years later. It makes it seem like our entire relationship was a lie. Did he ever really love me? A part of me wants to say yes, but there is still a part of me that doubts.
My husband wanted to celebrate today with a big party. He said he wanted to tell the world that he loves me. I couldn’t. I handle daily life pretty well now and no one sees that there is anything wrong with me anymore, but if we had a party where people would be congratulating us on our long and happy marriage and all that… well, I just couldn’t. So we decided to go on a dinner picnic instead, but then last night we got into a huge fight. So now maybe there’s not even going to be a picnic. I’ll tell you about the fight next time.