Third Person Perspective

I read somewhere that the pain of an emotional trauma eventually goes away except for minor twinges now and again when a trigger comes up.  It will come to feel like something out of a story that you see in the third person, as though you are looking at it from the outside.  You remember it and you know what it felt like, but you no longer feel it.

Although I have come a long way, this perspective still seems like a long ways off.  My husband is getting ready for another business trip.  I am not reacting with just a twinge.  That ever-present shadow has grabbed my insides and twisted pretty darned tight.  Nope, I’m definitely not seeing it from the third person perspective.  I am still living it in the first person – it is very much a real and present part of my being at this point.

But I am better.  I am not crying my eyes out or falling apart.  I just don’t think I’ll be eating much dinner tonight.

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12 thoughts on “Third Person Perspective

  1. julesasmrspersonality says:

    I am living in the first person still, too. I am looking forward to a day when I can look at it from a more passive perspective. Hang in there….love and strength being sent your way.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Jules – Yes, I guess it’s going to take a while. But I think if I didn’t this wonderful network of people here, it would take even longer. How did people get through this without the internet? LOL!

      I appreciate your kindness – sending love and prayers to you…

      DJ

  2. backonmyown says:

    I wish you a third person perspective sooner rather than later. You’ve earned it.

  3. I can imagine having the same emotional response as you. I’m wondering if there are some things your husband can do to make his business trip less traumatic for you?

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey DE – he is becoming more consistent about doing what he should, and I have let a lot of triggers go already. This trigger is a major one – they lived their lives around his business trips, and I was such a blind idiot.

      I’m not sure what he more he could do at this point. He has given me his complete itinerary and remote access to his work email. He said he will call at every break during the day and Skype with the family at night. I have access to his phone account online, too.

      I think I’m just so insecure about this that I can’t let go of the doubt and hurt. For a long time, he fought me on everything concerning recovery and healing – to the point where I have difficulty accepting his new willingness to do what is necessary. I second guess everything and I have gnawing suspicions about many things he says. He is not a communicative and open type and that adds to my fears.

      Hmmm… I needed to say that. I feel stronger about it now. And I see that I need to ask him to be more communicative. Thank you, DE. Hope you are ok.

      Wishing you the best for your meeting with your wife.

      DJ

  4. beautifulmess7 says:

    I can’t imagine getting to the “third person” place you describe. I am working through triggers all the time, and nothing as “triggery” as a business trip has come up yet. I actually just dodged that bullet. I was supposed to be the one going out of town – and he used that in the past for some of his awful behavior. Stay strong!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi beautifulmess7 – “Triggery.” Ha! I like that word! Yes, everything is a triggery mess right now.

      My husband offered to take me on this trip, but it’s a difficult time for me to ask for time off. I should have pushed the issue with my boss to preserve my sanity.

      I don’t think my husband really has any intentions of contacting his exOW or being unfaithful in any way, but I am insecure about his ability to stick to his ideals. What does that say about him? What does that say about me? I am doing a lot of heavy thinking right now.

      Thank you for your comment and encouragement. It helps!

      DJ

      • beautifulmess7 says:

        I know what you mean. Even when I think he has no intention of doing wrong, I get nervous and anxious. Because if he can’t control himself (like he couldn’t in the past), I know what that will do to me. And I know I can’t handle it.

        It’s hard to hand your future sanity over to someone who has hurt you so deeply, even if you are rebuilding the trust… But somehow we have to do it because there is no way to control their every action (and I have come to realize that I wouldn’t want that responsibility). Maybe that means progress? Who knows…

  5. Scabs says:

    The anxiety is ridiculous! I remember post d-day my husband had to go the a business trip to Vegas. Really? business in vegas?? I was convinced you only go to vegas for business if you a member of the mob, a hustler or a pimp…so where did that leave him.

    I had so much anxiety. I feel your pain.

    • Scabs says:

      p.s. detach detach detach

      • Not Over It says:

        Thank you, Scabs. I know that you understand and I appreciate your comment. Haha – my husband has been to Vegas on business. They actually do have conferences there, but geez – it’s hard to detach. I’m working on it.

        Hope this finds you well.
        DJ

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