Scattered. That’s how I feel right now. There is so much going on in my brain and in my heart, and my body hurts and I’m soooo tired, but I can’t sleep. This might be a little taste of what it feels like to be someone with true ADHD. I have a dozen TVs on inside of me and it’s such a mass of confusion that I can’t focus on one any of them.
I have started and deleted at least five posts. I haven’t been able to make anything cohesive or even coherent come out of me. I have been able to comment on other people’s blogs – their topics give me something to zero in on so I can focus on a topic. But I can’t seem to do it with my own thoughts. Maybe this the worst part of my current flareup of fibromyalgia. “Fibro fog” they call it. Geez. My husband is in affair fog and I’m in fibro fog. What a pair.
We’ve been bickering and arguing about everything under the sun for the past week. I believe there are two underlying reasons for all this:
1. His OW’s best friend is visiting here and I refused to see him – yes, her best friend is a man. He is another alumni association friend. This one just happens to be the first guy she cheated on my husband with when they were going out in college. My husband was upset yet again about my unwillingness to remain friends with the people he became close to as a couple with his OW. He just doesn’t get it that contact with them is almost as bad as contact with her. I must give him credit, though, for choosing not to see the guy, either. He was mad, but he chose to put me above his feelings about it.
2. The fact that I have fibromyalgia. The doctor believes it stems from the emotional trauma I have been through and it is a glaring reminder to my husband of what he did and how much pain he has caused me and our family. It has taken him a couple of weeks to accept all of this, but now he’s ready to learn about the condition and how to help me through it. It’s still stressful for him, and when he is stressed, we end up bickering all the time.
So things are not too pleasant at home, but I’m not wallowing in pain right now, either. This, too, shall pass. I hope the fibro fog passes quickly. I hate feeling fuzzy-brained. But at least I was able to write something today. Hope you are all well.