What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cos you're gone"

I was riding in my daughter’s car, listening to the radio as we headed home the other day. I heard these words and remembered that this Kelly Clarkson song called “Stronger” came out last year when I thought the pain would really kill me.  I never knew such pain was even possible.

But now I hear the words and I sing the words and feel them in my soul.  The pain came close to killing me, but here I am.  And I am stronger and I am a fighter – just like our fellow blogger Fighter and Survivor.  She has been an inspiration to me.  The lessons I’ve learned have been harsh, but I’m still here – just like Foolish Woman, who really isn’t foolish at all.    I have learned so much from her!  I am not just a number in a study on infidelity – I am more than that – just like More Than a Statistic.  She is a woman worthy of praise!  We are all here searching for answers and sharing with one another, like my friend Aaron whose blog is called Aaron’s Truth.  And while I have often contemplated becoming Divorced and Angry, that man has taught me so much about Looking for Buddha Again – I often mention him as my wise old sage, LFBA.  He isn’t old – the word old just goes so well with the words wise sage.  And he most definitely is a wise sage.  These blogs are all on my blogroll – you just have to click on their names to visit them.  Every single blog on my blogroll has made a significant impact on my recovery and I feel blessed to have become part of this community.  Thank you all.


12 thoughts on “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

  1. backonmyown says:

    You will work through this. You’re already stronger. Keep going. Hugs.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Pat,

      Sometimes it seems I have never been so frail and fragile in my life, and yet somehow I keep getting through each day. My coach says I am on the way out. Doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll take that and hang on to it, as I am hanging on to your words.

      Your words here and your blog are such a help! That’s why you are one of those that I include in my blogroll. Thank you so much.


  2. Pippi says:

    Not Over It —

    Have you ever read “Betrayed Wives’ Club?”


    It is one of my favorites and has been so helpful in my healing. I’ve read every single post and she (like you) responds to commenters often. ‘Elle’ (the blog author) is a good friend in the computer to those of us in the “club.”

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Pippi,

      Yes, I have read some of her posts and they are interesting. It’s wonderful to have online friends who understand through personal experience what we go through.

      Thank you for the suggestion! I will look her up again.


  3. Foolish Woman says:


    Thanks for your kind words.

    I don’t post much these days but I do check-in from time to time to see how my fellow travellers are doing.
    It does help to know one’s not alone in coping with the fallout.

  4. Thank you DJ.

    When I need someone in this blog world, your pages are amongst a few that I go to first. Thank you for all your words and everything that you have poured into them. Your writings mean a lot to people like us and they do make things better. I rarely have time to write anymore but as I read your blog, it does feel like I could have written them myself sometimes.

    I’m so happy that you are a much stronger and happier woman nowadays. Keep doing what works and I’m wishing even more peace and happiness!

    • Not Over It says:

      Hey Fighter,

      It brings tears to my eyes to read your words. I wouldn’t wish infidelity on anyone, but since it happened to us, I feel blessed to have become a part of a community such as ours.

      I’m glad you are busy – and busy in such a wonderful way! A baby makes the world new again in so many ways.

      I know everyone tells you to enjoy the time with your child. It’s cliche but it’s so true. The moments go way too fast. It doesn’t seem like so long ago that I was having babies, and here now my children are in their 20’s and all grown up. I had them when I was 10. Ha!

      Take care, my friend.

      Love & prayers,

  5. I believe we do grow stronger as we make our way through some of the dark times in life, especially if we really be in it. I was reading your post about “fog” and about the day you and your husband struggled through, and, about the communication you did about what had happened between you. You are living your experience.
    Another thing I feel as I read your posts is how you seem to be going through the discovery of, ending of, and recovery from, his affair— as a couple. Of course, none of us know how the future will go or what evolutions and resolution this journey you are on will take. But, your way of doing this with your partner, feels like a deep commitment.
    I sincerely wish you well—emotionally, physically and spiritually.

  6. Not Over It says:

    Thank you so much, Paula. Your words have brought me to tears. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face, and even though it was my husband who caused it, I cannot imagine trying to heal without him.

    I also cannot imagine how I would have survived thus far without my blogging friends. Words do not suffice in expressing my gratitude to you and everyone in my blogging community.

  7. Personally, it is encouraging to me to see all the support that is being offered to you here, DJ. I have been noticing, sadly, an absence of empathy in some of the couples I see in my practice. I do realize that many middle-class Americans are really struggling right now and I believe that is part of what leads to this ‘me, myself, and I’ position. Its just unfortunate because we all have something we can offer each other—understanding or, at least, a true effort to understand and yet, many are witholding it.. So, I feel encouraged when I see such generous and kind offerings here.

  8. Not Over It says:

    I’m glad to see that there are many ways in which our blogging community can be of benefit to all kinds of people. There are cheating spouses and betrayed spouses here who all try to help one another. I think it’s sometimes easier to see something and empathize with it when it is someone other than our spouses. After it sinks in, hopefully we can apply it to our own lives. I know this has happened to me here.

    Hope all is well with you, Paula.


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