This expression always bothers me. Young people in my children’s generation seem to use it quite often to describe their feelings when they encounter a bit of bad luck. My middle child uses it. I always frown at her when she does so she doesn’t use it around me anymore, but I see it on her Facebook and in other places. I am very sensitive to words and how they are used these days, and to me, this expression sends a message of self-defeat and surrender. No place for that in my battered up world…
My oldest child used it this morning. Poor thing. My house has a downstairs apartment that she and her family rent from my husband and me. Today she has the stomach flu and came upstairs for some tender loving care before I left for work. She was wearing a well-worn sweatshirt with the name of the place where my husband’s OW lives. I looked at it and looked at her and looked at it again. She said, “What?”
I said, “I didn’t remember that you had a shirt with those words on it.”
She looked down at it and said, “I’ve had this for a long time…”
I said, “Oh, about six years?” That would take us to the first time he went across country to see her.
She nodded. “Oh my God. Just shoot me now. Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t know and I never thought about that.”
The shirt was from the athletic program his OW’s children belonged to. Nice shirt, but there’s no way it came from a store. It was a uniform shirt of the organization. He had the nerve back then to give my daughter a shirt from her.
I nodded. “I know. I wouldn’t expect you to have thought of that.”
My husband was just a few feet away from us in the kitchen. I know he heard us. He turned away from us and did not make eye contact at any time after that.
She went back downstairs to bed and I got ready for work. My husband gave me some extra passionate loving up when I was ready to leave. “I love you. Have a good day,” he said.
I smiled and acted like everything was ok and enjoyed those moments with him and left.
Now I’m at work, trying to get started on my day but the twisting in my stomach is making it difficult. It was just a little trigger, just a little step down Memory Lane, but I am listless and feeling down. I think this trigger just came too close on the heels of other bigger things I am struggling with. I’m having to take deep breaths to keep tears away. I guess I need to look for more rainbows in my life.
Onwards with the day…