The Enneagram

When D-day thrust itself into my life, my marriage was destroyed.  As Foolish Woman, our fellow blogger, has described, it was like a terrible earthquake had devastated everything, even down to the very foundation.  But it was not only our marriage that suffered.  I also felt that I had been all but destroyed.  Not only was my heart ripped out and crushed into a million pieces, but my whole being almost died.  The past 15 months have been a journey not only to figure out if I can save my marriage, it has been a journey to self-renewal and discovery of who I was, who I am now and what I want to do with the rest of my life.

My counselor had me take the Enneagram personality profile as a starting point.  It has been a valuable tool.  If you’re interested, here is a link to a free version of the test.  Just remember that no test and no profile is perfect, and a free version without the expertise of a trained tester is even less so.  How self-aware you are and how honest you are about yourself will of course also make a difference.  We are too unique and wonderfully made to be so easily taken apart!  But it has helped me in my quest to figure myself out and also figure out some of the problems between my husband and me.

The thing I especially like about the enneagram is that it not only identifies your type, it tells you how your personality tends to change as you are put under stress and how it changes as you work towards fulfillment and a healthy mental state.

I am a Two and my husband is an Eight.  Our needs are classic for our types and our clashes are classic for our combination.  Fascinating.


5 thoughts on “The Enneagram

  1. Foolish Woman says:

    I came out as a Type 6 : Anxious

    Can’t say I’m surprised, given everything that’s happened over the last few years.

  2. Not Over It says:

    Yes, my score for Type 6 tendencies was quite high, too. I took it again yesterday and still came out a Two, but the percentages looked a little different. I said I wasn’t taking crap anymore and it looks like the numbers show it, too. I was happy to see that.

  3. Recovering Wayward says:

    I’m a 1

    • Not Over It says:

      Oh, yes, I would have guessed that. You like things done just so – perfectionist. Many musicians are 1s. I would also guess that 3 is high on your list of tendencies. It is on mine, too, as is 1.

      A great way to use this is to have your wife take it and then look at the relationship style you will tend to fall into, and what happens to each of you as you are stressed and as you grow. My coach uses it regularly to help me see different aspects of my relationship with my husband. I’ll say something and he’ll say, “Ah, there’s a Two talking.” Makes it easy to reflect on things.

      Good luck with it!

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