I had a pretty good session with our couple’s counselor – I’ll call him Dr. K – last week. I think it was mostly due to the fact that I figured him out. I figured out how to work with him to get what I need out of the sessions. That’s not saying much for him. He’s supposed to be the professional at dealing with people and their problems. But in this case, I was the one who figured him out. I will keep him for a while anyway because he is capable and knowledgeable about models of psychology and infidelity so he will be useful for my husband. My husband is a scientist and thinks like one, so he’ll probably do very well with Dr. K’s models. I just need to state the problem in as few words as possible, allow Dr. K to fit the issue into one of his models and then tell us what he would recommend to fix it. Fair enough.
As I intended, I took charge of the session. I told Dr. K that I was not comfortable with the direction our sessions were taking. I said that there was a disconnect between me and where I am in recovery versus how our sessions were being directed. I said that I still needed more discussion and resolution of issues concerning the affair, but it seemed like our sessions were being geared only to improving my relationship with CK. That being the case, many of my statements were seen as being in the “punishment box” and not building up the relationship. I said that I felt like no one was really listening to me. The train was moving full speed ahead and I was still standing back at the station, saying Hey wait!
He studied me for a moment, and then he said, “I see a different you today. OK, I am perfectly fine with redirecting our sessions. You give me the lead next time and bring that up and I will take it from there.”
We talked about a lot of stuff after that, and I think we both enjoyed the session. He hugged me at the end and wished me a good week.
So like I said in my last post, it’s all in the chemistry. Dr. K has chemistry with my husband. I have even said that Dr. K reminds me of my husband. Casual, friendly, on the quiet side but still a good conversationalist, analytical to a fault, methodical and precise. So they will work well together. Since my husband would never go to counseling on his own, this may be the way to get him the help he needs. So what if Dr. K does not have that chemistry with me? I have my online coach for my individual needs. My husband can benefit from Dr. K so we’ll continue for a while and see how it goes.
I also have all of you in our blogging world. Thank the Lord for you! Hope you are enjoying some holiday cheer.