Before D-day, 13 months ago, if you had asked me if I would ever need counseling, I would have said no. I was a confident, strong woman who worked as a manager. I sent other employees for counseling; I would never need it myself.
Ha! What a crock! How wrong I was!
I may have conceded that I might need a few sessions if I ever went through some kind of trauma. Talk about trauma! Here I am today recovering from an event so traumatic that I suffered flashbacks and triggers many times each day for months. I still have them, though not as often these days, and I am learning, through counseling, how to deal with them. So did I need a few sessions of counseling?
A few sessions? Well… in reality I now have three counselors. One online coach with whom I correspond a few times each week. Then I have our company counselor who comes to see me about once a month to see if I’m fit for my job. Then I have the couple’s counselor for my husband and me to see together – we will be increasing to once per week for the next few weeks. He’s the newest of the three and is just getting to know us. Three counselors for one little betrayed spouse! Who woulda thought… certainly never me.
My online coach and my company’s counselor are very similar. They often say the same things. They both said that, while education and training are important, chemistry is THE most important thing in counseling. Every counselor brings their own personality and style to the table, and sometimes it’s a match and sometimes it’s not and sometimes it’s REALLY NOT. It’s not a reflection on their ability, but just a matter of chemistry. Both of them feel that, for me, our couple’s counselor is that last one. REALLY NOT a match. I think they’re right. We tried a counselor last December. In a previous post, I talked about her and how she didn’t work out for us. And now this new guy is not working out for me, either. But my husband loves him… probably because he doesn’t have to put out much in the sessions.
My online coach feels that I need to keep trying until I find one that has that chemistry for me and for my husband, too. I don’t know if I have the stamina to keep at it.
I am very happy with my online coach and how he helps me with my emotional and internal issues. We definitely have chemistry. I think we could be friends if we were not coach-client. But his format would not work well for counseling both my husband and me. My company counselor would work, too. I like her a lot. But it would be a conflict for her to be my personal counselor and work with me professionally, too. So I’m walking into the session with the couple’s counselor today and taking charge. Either he works with me on what we need from him or I need to go looking for that chemistry elsewhere.
I never knew it would be so difficult just to find a counselor… geez.