“In this empty room I look for even a shadow of your presence
In the depth of my sighs I am lost.
These are the words to an Asian song I used to sing. A friend sent me the YouTube link for the song today. She was light and happy and said, “Hey, do you remember this?” The lines brought about an insight into a fear I have of being alone. I have been there inside those words. I have looked for him, for the memory of who he was to me. He is gone. I search but in the depths of my sighs I am lost. There is no one.
I cannot go back there.
I will die.
But living with him kills me, too.