Tears at work

Just wanted to express my sadness at the moment.  My husband is away on a business trip right now – always a major trigger for me.  But I decided to reach out and try to move forward, so I sent him a nice email saying that I had no doubt that he could take care of the problems at work, and that I missed him.  As I pressed “send” I thought about how his OW used to send him all sorts of notes like that.  I took a deep breath and said, “Stop!” in my head.

Then I got a text from a friend and I thought about our phone plan and how I got texting.  My husband added unlimited texting to our phone plan as a birthday gift to me a few years ago.  After D-day, when I was looking at the emails they shared, I found a set written the day after that birthday.  He told her he couldn’t get the texting to work and that he was so sorry because he had promised her that he would be able to text on that day.  She replied, saying it was ok and that she enjoyed hearing his voice anyway.  He couldn’t get it to work because she lives in another country and he didn’t know at the time that our plan did not include international texting.

That just makes me feel so special – my birthday present was actually a present to her.

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8 thoughts on “Tears at work

  1. Kris says:

    Hi DJ,

    I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to have to keep reliving those realizations over and over. It never stops hurting. ***HUGS*** I think that’s one of the things I struggle with the most, the cruelty of it all, being kicked to the side and treated like I was nothing.

    As my mom says, “this too shall pass” and as I now say “until the next one…” =(

  2. Not Over It says:

    Thank you, Kris. It’s very nice to have a supportive group of online friends who understand the pain and suffering. Unless you’ve been through it, there’s no way you can possibly understand it.

  3. Caroline says:

    I’ve just found your blog. I do understand the pain.

    I shall pop back again and see how things are going for you.

    • Not Over It says:

      Thank you, Caroline. I am better today. I haven’t posted in a while. I thought maybe I needed to try to just not think anymore. But no, that’s not working.

      I’ll come visit you, too.
      DJ

  4. I truly feel for you… I can’t remember how many times tears have fallen at work and in the car while driving to and from work. So many times he had done stupid things and treated me like I was nothing, like all those things he did wouldn’t hurt me one bit. Recently I’ve uncovered something new, and although it happened in August of last year, it shook me to the core again and I was hurt yet again. If I had known about it then I knew I would have walked out on him soon after. It was just so disrespectful to me and my wishes, especially having known that it would have hurt me.
    Be strong as always… things do get better in time… I’m still going through a lot of triggers and thinking back on the bad memories but I hope in time, I’ll get over them too…

  5. Not Over It says:

    Oh Fighter, I’m so sorry. I wish I could say some magic words to make it all go away for you. This should be a time of great joy and family togetherness for you. It seems, though, that this pain doesn’t ever completely go away. We’ll just learn to push to the back of our minds and live with it. I have a close friend whose husband had an affair 12 years ago. She lives a great life and they now have four children, but she still cries when she talks about it. So sad.

    I’ll come visit your blog today.
    DJ

  6. backonmyown says:

    It’s the years of deception that have haunted me throughout this whole process. Every time I thought I knew everything, I would learn of another lie, another sneaky maneuver on his part. Still, I would have taken him back in those early days.

  7. Not Over It says:

    Yes, exactly. I’m still finding them and was just wondering how to put it into a post without sounding like a first-class wimp and whiner. I’ll probably do it anyway…

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