Yesterday I got as close to happy as I’ve gotten since D-day. I spent time with my daughter – nothing special, we just hung out, which is something we do frequently, but I was able to enjoy it – laugh and enjoy seeing the beautiful young woman my daughter has become. My heart was warmed.
Later, when I went to bed with my husband, I was struck by the sadness again. It had been there all day, in the background. But it overwhelmed me again at night, and I cried myself to sleep. I thought, How can this be my life? How could he do this to me? How could he touch me and then go to her?
Up and down, over and over, happy then sad, angry then forgiving, ready to take a step forward, then taking three steps back. Looping back around again and again. This roller coaster is not fun. I want to get off.