Six months ago, I was sitting in my living room in real physical shock after learning of my husband’s affair. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t sleep. I know that my daughter tried to talk to me and my husband came home for lunch every day for a week. I know that I slept in the guest room – I happen to like the bed in there and my husband doesn’t- but my husband came in every night anyway. The pain enveloped me like a heavy fog and gave me no rest. It was there with me all the time, like a demon sticking knives into me all day and all night.
I am only now starting to feel better. The pain is no longer constant. It still hurts like hell, but I have moments where I don’t feel it now. I’ve posted about the sadness that makes everything gray. It is still there, and will probably be for a long time.
I listen to the music from the movie Braveheart by Enya. It is just the right piece for right now. It reaches into my soul and wraps around the ache within me. It doesn’t try to force me to smile -it swirls in and around my heart as it travels with me in my pain.
How I long to leave this pain behind! But like my therapist said, I walk wounded now, and maybe I always will.