I am coming along rather well, if I compare myself to other bloggers. This week will mark six months since D-day, and I am no longer walking around in constant pain. It comes and goes now with the triggers that can come out of the blue. My son-in-law picked out a movie for family night on Sunday which turned out to be loaded with triggers. The story took place in the city where SHE lives. The main character is a two-timing cheat. His girlfriend is a loving, trusting, sweet person. The OW was his first crush. I was sent reeling back to Day 1. I excused myself well before the movie’s halfway point, and still it took me a whole day to recover from it.
But still, the pain is not constant. What is constant is sadness. No matter what I’m doing, no matter what blue skies and happiness I find, it’s grayed out by an underlying sadness that never goes away. The thrill of my first grandchild’s birth, the peace and contentment of a successful mountain hike, the satisfaction of a job well done… they are all grayed out by unrelenting sadness. When I look at my husband, I am filled with the knowledge that I love him more than life, and the accompanying knowledge that it is that love which causes me this great sadness. Will I make it through this? Will I ever not think of her every time I think of him? At this point, I have my doubts.