Hello World!

Up until the very day that I discovered my husband’s infidelity, I would have sworn that I would throw him out of the house immediately and get a divorce if he ever cheated on me.  So much for that theory.  It’s been four months since my discovery day, and I’m still living with him.  I’m not intending to divorce him, either.  In fact, I am doing everything I can to avoid that.  What changed my mind?  A number of things, but mostly it was that I realized I still loved him.

I used to think I would just automatically hate him forever, and that the hate would just overpower the love I had for him.  I knew that I would hurt if this ever happened, similarly to when I lost my parents, but I thought that my hate and anger would carry me through and that I would be fine.  That was sooo not the case.

We have always had a fiery relationship – huge blowouts followed by passionate makeups.  Then we reached the stage of life where the obligations and duties of life just took all the time and energy we had.  There was little left for us to share with each other.  I had three high-achieving teenagers with a constant stream of activities that I needed to be a part of, a live-in mother with Alzheimer’s disease, and a demanding full-time job.  In a perfect world, my husband would have understood my stress and he would have been there to support me through all of that.  But no.  Where was he?  Looking up his high school girlfriend on the internet and carrying on an affair because he felt I didn’t care for him anymore.  I never suspected a thing.  I knew we were not the same as a couple during the last six years, but I always attributed it to other things – work stress, family stress – because he was a man of integrity and I thought he would always do the right thing in every situation.  But we were no longer enjoying passionate makeups.

A typical story – we’ve all heard it many times before.  But when it happened to me, I fell apart.  The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before.  I felt like I was living on different plane of existence – it felt surreal.  I kept waiting to wake up and find it was all a nightmare.  But no, here I am, journaling my story because I am so NOT OVER IT!  I have become a part of a blogging community of people here who are suffering the aftermath of infidelity.  We share our stories and encourage each other to move forward with our lives, whatever that means to each of us.

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10 thoughts on “Hello World!

  1. whydidhecheat says:

    Thanks for sharing! It means so much as I am too working through my husband’s infidelity and blogging about it. Best of luck to you!

  2. I wanted to comment on your name–and maybe someone has already said what I’m going to say.

    You don’t get over it, you go through. To get or go over is to skip. To skip the healing and dismiss and deny.

    • Not Over It says:

      Hi RCR – I understand your point. I chose that name because my husband kept telling me to “get over it” and at the time I felt so “not over it.” I know today that there is no getting over it. So it still fits well enough that I will not change the name of my blog. I will always be “not over it.” But I will get through it. Then maybe I’ll start a new blog. Right now, I’m still on the journey to get through it.
      -DJ

  3. Wendy says:

    Hi, I nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award. You can see it at http://www.chattychicky.com/2012/11/20/beautiful-blogger-award/
    Keep up the bloggin!
    Wendy

  4. I’d like to recognize you with the beautiful blogger award.

    Beautiful Blogger Award Rules:

    The idea behind the Beautiful Blogger Award is to recognize some of the bloggers we follow for their hard work and inspiration.

    1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
    2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
    3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
    4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

  5. This is (was) Broken Heart Recovery, my anonymous blog was compromised and became not so anonymous. I’ve changed my site address to http://www.stilllovinghim.wordpress.com Please continue to follow my journey through affair recovery.

    • DJ says:

      Sure thing. I’m sorry you’ve had trouble with blogging. The same thing happened to me at the beginning. My husband’s ex-OW figured out who I was. I stopped blogging for a while and came back as DJ. But I have grown to identify with my new name and the way my blog is set up. Hope it works for you, too! -DJ

  6. eneeff says:

    i found your blog after my close friend found out her husband was cheating. i just wonder if you have any advice for those of us who want to support our loved ones during this time but just don’t know how. any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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